“We can only be friends”
“I don’t think it’s gonna work out”
Heard these lines before? It seems that our world is filled with heart-breaks. Artists have written songs about love turned sour. The movies portray broken and betrayed love and fleeting romances. And in real life, you and I both know that these words can be very real – to the point where you can feel it pierce your heart.
This entry has been inspired by my recent talk with my discipler. To you, I give my sincere and great thanks. You have freed me. I praise God for you.
As you all know my first and foremost reason and purpose in writing is to remind myself of the wisdom I’ve accumulated – either through my own personal mistakes, through the Word of God, or through the wisdom of others, or all of the above.
Most, if not all of us have gone through a relationship with the opposite sex at some point in our lives. And I realized that for some people, people like me, it is an uphill climb when moving on from a relationship that turned sour (or what we often call a breakup). I needed help. My discipler told me three steps and a mindset.
“Step back, step forward, move on”
“We are first brothers and sisters in Christ then we are men and women looking for companionship”
Step back – give it some thought
When you’ve been burned and wounded and you’ve been left behind confused by the relationship, you need to step back and think about what has happened. What went wrong? What did I do wrong? Why did he/she do that? Why did God allow this?
There can be endless questions that will fill your mind if everything is not laid out and closed. In stepping back, you have to be careful not to let vain thoughts linger. You have to keep asking God for wisdom and guidance of thought since your mind is still open due to the fact that during this step, there are still things left unclosed.
It’s also during this step that you need to think: “What are questions in my mind that needs answering or closing up?” list it down, remember it but don’t let it get to you. You’ll need to bring those questions up in step 2.
Step forward – face it
Some people get stuck in Stepping back. They are too afraid to go on and face it. They are cowards and leave the still-open-relationship hanging. The consequences are that the wounds will never heal and the questions will never leave their mind.
Just as the tormenting spirit has plagued Saul, so will it be with you when you do not face these pending issues in your life. It can be a source of bitterness, of foolishness and hate, of slander and gossip, of cowardice and malice, and the list goes on and on…
And just as likely, some people do not step back and skip to just facing the matter at hand. This can cause to unnecessary words that can lead to pain, regret and sorrow. Step 1 is critical before moving on to step 2. You have to process everything first and give room for wisdom before taking action. Plan ahead because when you speak out words, it isn’t yours anymore.
You have to ask God for courage and face it. Talk with the person. Ask the questions you need to ask. Get it off your chest in wisdom and not in emotion. Settle on an agreement. Ask for forgiveness and pardon – and likewise, give him/her yours.
Lift it up to God. Pray – yes, if possible, the both of you.
Once that is all laid out and settled then you’re ready for step 3.
Move on – leave it behind
Some people skip to moving on without stepping back nor facing it. That is dangerous. Moving on without stepping back and facing the issue is selfish and cowardice. It is leaving the other person behind without even trying to understand what’s going on that person’s mind. It is trying to flee from what hurt could arise from facing the matter at hand. And unsolved matters will always remain hanging in your life – it will make lifting it up to God harder for you.
Once all is said and done and you’re sure you’ve left nothing hanging, leave it behind. Drop the matter. You’ve already given it up to God. Don’t take it back from Him – that is dishonoring God with your decision.
Can you still be friends? Well that is the ideal. It will always be great if you can remain friends. But sometimes it is wiser not to be if it will trigger unnecessary emotions. Especially if you know that you might get attached to that person again.
Ask God for discernment if you should still be friends with the other person or if it will be wiser not to be. Let God do His Work. Give yourself some time. No, not just any time – time with God.
We are first brothers and sisters in Christ
Do not let the breakup pull you down in your walk with God. Do not let it affect you as a witness of Christ. Instead, use it to pull other people up. To encourage. To give wisdom. To teach. Use it for the glory of God – not for pride and enmity.
We are first brothers and sisters in Christ and our responsibility is of such love. Only after that are we men and women looking for companions. Remember that.
And indeed it is a sobering thought. Thank you Aumar. You have humbled me so much more than you know by saying these words. Pray for me brother.
I hope and pray that if you are someone who has just been from a breakup – that you read these words and put them, to heart. Think about it. Pray about it. Seek God in regards to His will about it. There is always a purpose for everything – every person in your life, every relationship that you have, every mistake that you’ve made, every hair in your head.
Let God guide you.