Two weeks ago, I’ve decided to stay home on Saturday since I’ve been out on after-office meetings the whole week. It actually gave me the time I needed to catch up on podcasts I subscribe to but barely listen. That time I listened to Timothy Keller, and his message was a bit (well, actually it was a lot) sobering. He talked about having a crushed spirit – its priority, complexity, solitude and how to heal it.
Author’s Note: this one may come across as emo. You have been warned. =p
“The human spirit can endure in sickness,
but a crushed spirit who can bear?” – Proverbs 18:4
Before, I would often find myself in seasons where I feel disconnected with everyone – that “nobody understands” me or what I’m going through, and people who attempt at doing so will most likely fail. During these seasons I would just lie in bed – confining myself in isolation but at the same time waiting for someone, somewhere to reach out. I would check my phone every so often if anyone sent me anything that would have the slightest semblance of care or concern. I’d have my headset on to drown out both silence and noise while I draw for hours on end, trying to sketch on paper whatever it was that weighed my heart down – struggling to have visual recognition, hoping to make some sense out of it.
Other times I would be in the middle of the crowd, yet still feel detached – often wanting to withdraw.
In all honesty, sometimes I still experience these phases.
I remember one friend back in college telling me, “I wanna understand how you think.” I answered, “Don’t. You’ll go crazy.” I was serious when I said it because sometimes I, too, would reside with the notion that I don’t and can’t understand my own self. All I know is that something was wrong, but I couldn’t determine exactly what it was.
Perhaps back then, I had a broken spirit – one that put its hope on things it knows will eventually be gone, one that I tried to bear but couldn’t. I had a spirit that was confused, disillusioned, and bruised; a spirit longing to receive loving arms and kind words but found none, wanting to give but found no one. I had a spirit that was weighed down, deferred of hope; a spirit that was completely and utterly alone.
In our efforts to heal our broken spirits through self-help books that either ignore or deny the intricacy of our very being – reducing us by focusing only on either our physical, emotional, relational, moral, faith or existential aspect, we discover all the more the truth of our solitude. One may relate to another, but one can never fully understand another.
Perhaps Keller is right – that by consequence of our uniqueness and complexity, we are absolutely and inconceivably alone. That by virtue of our innermost longing to have something to hold on to – things that are supposed to bring us peace, security and the desire to live, and at the same time knowing deep down that everything in this world will pass away, having a crushed spirit is both inevitable and unbearable.
That is, until God steps in.
About Arnel
You are absolutely right. . Am glad you shared this blog
I believe everybody does experience this every now and then. I would usually experience this every end of December towards the end of February with lots of emotional baggage and depression strikes most of the time until GOD comforts me usually with assignments that He wants me to do. Ex. Last two years He asked me to write a song and even sing solo for whatever events that had line up for me (I don’t really sing in public, stage fright) and print shirts to raise funds for Backstreet kids, I did it anyway and it was a blessing to have obeyed. The next year, I was chosen to be prayer warrior and celebrate my special day at
Uplift movement foundation to the less fortunate children and it has been such a blessing to be serving our King of Kings and Lord of Lords. This year I was comforted with a book Power of a Praying Woman by Omartien struck me straight to my heart. We truly have an amazing awesome GOD in our midst. My point is until we have nothing and surrender ourselves fully to our GOD we can never truly focus on what HE wants and listen carefully to the task He wants from us. Because GOD definitely doesn’t want a secondhand glory. He wants to do great things thru us. So, my verse this year is found in Matthew 16:24 “then Jesus said unto His disciples, “if any man will come after me, let him deny himself, and take up his cross, and follow me.”
Continue to be blessed and be a blessing!!!
thank you wenn! and thanks for sharing your experience! be a blessing also! =)
This post was well timed. We shared and discussed this very topic yesterday in my small group bible study.
God is good!
Blessings
april
praise God april! God is indeed good!
blessings!
I can relate. WOW
it was like, “Whoa, that’s me.” I thought I was abnormal to feel detached at times.
we’re social beings. we’re wired for relationships, and that’s why we long for them. =)
but best to find it in the One who will never disappoint us. =)
God bless you!=)
Too many fail to be crushed bro. They seem to think everyday is to be a happy day. Let me tell ya bro, I am not always happy. Did not say I was not always Joyous, just not happy.
Happy is emotional
Joyous is positional
Nice post
Hope ya visit mine sometime.
Pastor Jeff Earls recently posted..Spiritual obesity
Waaaaah! Thank you for sharing your experience! I thought I was the only one. I’m kind o’ like that too but I love it every single time the Lord steps in, it’s always an unfailing surprise and beautiful. His process maybe gruelling but I believe as He says, it’s all perfect and wonderful! Thank God that He never gives up on us no matter what!
God bless you so much more!