The Dangers of a Careless Whisper

By Sean

Ever heard yourself say “I wish I was dead” ? It’s funny how we carelessly say things in a spur of the moment. We don’t even think about the consequences of our words. Our words are dangerous.

“I tell you, on the day of judgment people will give account for every careless word they speak, for by your words you will be justified, and by your words you will be condemned.”- Matthew 12:36-37

Oh My G**

Yes we do hear this ever so often – in movies, TV series, the radio, our friends – even ourselves. And we shrug it off. It’s just another emotionally highlighting phrase. We don’t have to be too legalistic about it. Right?

Wrong.

There is a difference between being legalistic and being downright disrespectful to the name of the one true God. If you don’t want your mom or dad’s name to be the butt of a cuss word or an exclamated phrase, how do you think God feels when you take His name in vain?

You may tell yourself “I’m safe, I don’t take the Lord’s name in vain.” That’s well and good! But do you know that you still disrespect Him whenever you tell yourself “I’m ugly” or “I want to die”?

(Note: Since we’re talking about taking God’s name in vain, I want to point out that the Filipino by-word “Sus” and “Susmaryosep” is taken from the names: “Jesus” “Mary” and “Joseph” – whose names, in my opinion should be in high regard.)

The Ugly Duckling

Let’s face it – you’re not a duck. You’re a human being. The crown of creation. The image and likeness of the living God! You are endowed with the beauty of God’s great craftsmanship. Whenever you say “I’m ugly” it:

  1. Doesn’t help encourage yourself
  2. Denies the craftsmanship of God on you
  3. Disrespects your Maker
  4. Will be heard by God and the spiritual realm

Imagine that you received a gift that a master craftsman carved for you. It’s a small you – a wooden you. It moves, it breathes. It does what you want it to do. It talks with you, eats with you, drinks with you and cares for you. It’s a great and precious gift!

Imagine what the master craftsman would feel if you tell him “It’s ugly. I don’t like how it looks like.”

He worked day and night to finish that just to give it to you as a gift because you are precious to him and you just tell him that it’s ugly??

It is downright unkind and disrespectful – both to the master craftsman and to yourself.

In the end, it doesn’t do anything good.

The Breath of Life

You move, you think, you eat, drink and breathe. You are a living being. God made you and gave you life.

“Then the LORD God formed a man from the dust of the ground and breathed into his nostrils the breath of life, and the man became a living being.” – Genesis 2:7

Don’t you realize that life is a gift? God is never forced to give you your life but He gave it anyway. It is something good. It is one of the most precious things that God has given us.

Imagine telling that same master craftsman who gave you the greatest gift he ever made: “I don’t want your gift. I want to throw it away.”

It’s the same as saying “I want to die.”

Remember that at the end of days, our words will be accounted for.

Fleeting Words

These are simple words and I believe that we all have said them fleetingly at some point in our lives. Don’t let it pass. Take it back. Ask God for forgiveness.

And don’t ever say it again.

Other posts about words:

There’s Treasure Everywhere!

By Angelyn

Many times, we fail to see the beauty of things because we are too caught up with OUR OWN agenda and how WE LIKE things to go OUR WAY. And then when the time comes that it doesn’t, we say, “LIFE SUCKS!”

Continue reading “There’s Treasure Everywhere!” »

2 Evidences of Humility

By Angelyn

“You need not boast when you have the answers. You need not judge when you know you are right. You need not exaggerate when others don’t believe. You need not defend yourself when being ridiculed.” – Angelyn Co

Special thanks to the book of Charles Stanley, Relationship Principles of Jesus. I am continuously blessed by this book.

“How can you say to your brother, ‘Brother, let me take the speck out of your eye,’ when you yourself fail to see the plank in your own eye? You hypocrite, first take the plank out of your eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother’s eye.” - Luke 6: 42

Humility is accepting criticism from others.

We all have blind spots. We all have attitudes we aren’t proud of. When brought into the light, many of us excuse this behavior by saying, “This is how I really am”, “I was born this way”, “Accept me completely”. While this is true, there are consequences:

1. You impede your personal growth.

Most of the time, when someone had the guts to point out your mistake, that someone cares for you. That someone wanted you to understand an area in your life where you can improve.

For example, Charlie confronted you of a selfish comment you gave to one of your friends and you say, “Come on, lighten up! You should by this time, already know who I am and how I talk.”

By saying this, not only have you personally tagged yourself as what Charlie confronted you with: selfish/rude. You have told Charlie to look at you in that way. Thus, the next time a similar incident occurs, he will be smart enough to ignore you – which brings us to the second consequence.

2. You create a gap.

In context, when you want others to accept you for who you are, you also need to accept who they are. Some friends can be rude when correcting you – tactless with their words.

By shrugging off an opportunity to grow, regardless of this person’s character, motive or choice of words, it will be your loss. It is your perspective that counts.

When you accept your friend’s correction, you also give your friend a seat of importance in your life. It is also a means of telling him, you have the right to tell me what needs to be corrected.

Doing the opposite, leaves a connotation that we’re just ‘good time’ buddies. Don’t cross the line.

Humility is accepting your weaknesses.

Charles Stanley, in his book Relationship Principles of Jesus, also made me reflect that the trait or attitude we despise from other people is the same exact attitude that we possess. Similarly, if I may I add, it may also be true that the reason why you dislike someone is because you’re jealous of that person: you wish you had something she has or you hope to be in the position she is in.

I didn’t want to believe this either when I first heard it from a Bible Study. But based on personal experience, I encourage you that once you feel a tingle of dislike in your heart, take it as a warning to check your heart. It might just be you who is in the wrong.

Grab every opportunity to learn. Be humble.

An Antidote for Temptation

By Angelyn

“So, if you think you are standing firm, be careful that you don’t fall! No temptation has overtaken you except what is common to mankind. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can endure it.” - 1 Corinthians 10:12-13

Special thanks to Charles Stanley for his ‘Winning the War Within’ book which has blessed me with these insights.

As I have been writing about temptation, this verse above all, brings delight to me. It first of all reminds us of our frailty. By this I do not just mean being weak, but also our tendency to become proud or lenient after being victorious in 2-3 instances of temptation.

It speaks about God’s faithfulness which makes Him the perfect candidate for us to trust. I don’t know about you but in my experience, when I’m most hurt, most sad, most frustrated, there I am most vulnerable to temptation. And as you reflect on God’s faithfulness, does it not give you comfort, and hope that there’ll be a better tomorrow?

And here it begins to get interesting; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. We know God is in control of everything. He is the author and perfecter of our faith (Heb. 12: 2), why didn’t I ever think that He too has a say on our temptation?

In the book, Mr. Stanley writes that God is intimately involved in our lives. He stresses this by citing the Luke 22:31-32, when Jesus tells Peter that Satan has asked for him. You see God sets the limit and boundary of how far Satan can go. God never promised we won’t experience trouble, in fact, He warned us about it. But He promises to never leave or forsake us. As what I’ve mentioned before to grow is to be tempted. So whatever temptation you’re facing, remember, by God’s grace you are a conqueror!

‘But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can endure it.’ Think of the last time you fell into sin. If you could have just paused for a while, thought things through, would you have acted differently? How about if you’ve planned it beforehand?

The Bible says in Proverbs 19: 2, ‘Enthusiasm without knowledge is no good; haste makes mistakes.’ Haste may be one of Satan’s tools to block your vision, to hinder you from the best plans into giving in to his substitutes. His tactic as always is for us to satisfy our desires and cravings in the fastest, least painful way.

What’s Next?

Now that you know more about How to Stop Temptation When It Starts, The 5 Weak Points of Man and How to Break the Unending Cycle of Sin, what do you do?

  • Remember

Don’t wait until Satan plans his next attack and you go “Shoot! What was that blog I read about this?” Start building your walls. Plan your defense strategies NOW. What areas in your life do you think needs to be surrendered to Jesus? Where are your weak spots?

  • Study God’s Word

This is where you get your knowledge. The Bible gives the best defense mechanisms. Some of which are prayer, meditation, seeking counsel, waiting on God. Wise up and read.

  • Be Accountable

Having godly mentors and friends who will track your walk is one of the best tools of assistance and protection in the Christian family. It is not meant to intrude but to influence. It not meant to control but to convict. More importantly, as we follow Jesus, He formed his disciples for them to sharpen one another and to share joys, trials, failures and triumphs.

Five Effective Ways to Say “I’m Sorry”

By Sean

I’m sure that there was a time in your life when you have offended someone and you didn’t really mean it. Your emotions heighten, you feel some extent of remorse, you soften up and then the hardest words come out of your mouth. “I’m sorry.” The offended person turns to look at you with tear-filled eyes and tells you “I don’t believe it.” What do you do then?

This entry has been inspired by Gary Chapman’s book “Things I wish I’d known before we Got Married”

When you’re out of Words

Sometimes “I’m sorry” doesn’t cut it and I’m sure you’ve had your shares of when that happens. There are several reasons behind why some people don’t accept your apology. But to sum it all up, it’s mostly because you have a different Apology Language. It is something to help you be sincere to the person you’re apologizing to. You can be REALLY sincere but the other person will not see it that way. These apology languages helps you to reach out your sincerity to the person you’re apologizing to.

A Form of Dialect?

You might not know it but there are different means to communicate love to a person. I’m sure you’ve heard of The Five Love Languages. A study by Dr. Gary Chapman also suggests that people also have different means to communicate an apology to a person.

1. Expressing Regret

This apology language expresses itself in such a way that the person you offended should know how much you understand your offense. This apology language is an emotional one and you should express to the person you offended how much you regret your actions that hurt him/her.

Sometimes people want to know that you understand the extent of his/her pain and regret inflicting it – in order for them to more easily accept your apology. Expressing regret usually starts with the words “I’m sorry” and then it should go on to explain to the offended person how you think you’ve offended him/her.

If this is the apology language of the person you’ve hurt, what that person wants you to know is “Do you know how deeply you’ve hurt me?” Any apology that falls short of this will not make the cut.

2. Accepting Responsibility

This apology language is all about carrying the blame for your wrongdoings. Usually in a conflict, two people hurt each other and both parties need reconciliation. Accepting responsibility is an apology language where you express ownership of your wrong decisions.

This apology language usually starts with “I was wrong” and it should go on to explain to the person how and why you were wrong. The person who’s apology language is accepting responsibility is waiting for you to admit that your behavior was wrong and you understand why. For this person, “I’m sorry” just doesn’t sound like an apology.

3. Making Restitution

This apology language has only one goal: to make it right. Unless you make restitution for your offense, the person who’s apology language is making restitution will be wanting to know if you still love them.

The offense would seem so unloving to them that they wonder how you could love them and do what you did. The only apology they will accept is something that is aligned with their love language. If it’s physical touch, they may want you to hold them or perhaps a kiss. If it’s receiving gifts, they may want to receive something from you that would express your love, if it’s words of affirmation, they may want you to tell them how much you love them or remind them of special moments in the past. If it’s quality time, they may want to spend a weekend away with you. If it’s acts of service, they may want you to do something for them that would communicate your appreciation for them.

4. Genuinely Expressing the desire to Change your Behavior

This apology language aims to express to the other person your sincere regret and tries to resolve things in such a way that the offense will not happen again. For some people, if your apology does not include a real desire to change your behavior, you have not truly apologized. Whatever else you say or do falls short of sincerity if this is their apology language. In their minds, if you are sincerely apologizing, you will seek to change your behavior.

5. Requesting Forgiveness

This apology language starts with the words “Will you please forgive me?” If the person’s apology language is requesting forgiveness, this is what they will be waiting for and wanting to hear. In their minds, this is what an apology is all about. You have hurt them and they want to know, “Do you want to be forgiven? Do you want to remove the barrier that your behavior has caused?”

These apology languages aren’t magic potions. It’s always hard to apologize and to do it successfully. Understanding these 5 apology languages eases the process of apologizing and reconciliation – because after all, what people want to know when you are attempting to apologize is “Are you sincere?”

Speaking the right apology language to the person when you apologize helps them to see that your apology is sincere.

Why Quitting Should Never be an Option

By Angelyn

Quit – a four letter word that could stir up all kinds of emotions and trigger recall of so many memories; to a mere listener, maybe sadness, sympathy but to the recipient and speaker, depression, emptiness, hopelessness.

Love – a four letter word that could stir up all kinds of emotions and trigger recall of so many memories; to a mere listener, maybe happiness, excitement but to the recipient and speaker, joy, fullness, acceptance.

Isn’t it interesting

How powerful both these 4 letter words are? And how remarkable the difference in reaction it brings to the recipient of the word? In 2 Corinthians 13, the Bible teaches us what love is and how it should be. Verse 7 says, “Love always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.” Do we still see much of this these days? Do YOU practice this?

I didn’t…

Unfortunately, I didn’t practice perseverance, in many occasions. Not that I blame my past but I’ve felt left behind by people I love or worse, unprotected even in their presence. I have stared at them living life daily patronizing the person/s that have hurt and scarred me the most. And so, instead of self-pity, I learned to ignore, to be indifferent.

I felt not fighting for myself, my feelings (quitting) would just make things easier. I thought being indifferent makes you stronger, and quitting spares you and the other person the pain of resolving conflicts.

As I entered a relationship with a God-centered man, together, we enrolled in a marriage seminar class in less than 5 months of being together. We learned how to better avoid and resolve conflicts through the classes and also the book Fit to be Tied by Bill and Lynne Hybels. It was a big news flash for me, requiring a lot of adjustment and understanding. And sometimes, I still find myself doing what I used to… saying ‘I Quit’ but deep down, I don’t really mean it.

“Love ALWAYS protects”. Not just when you feel like it or when things are nice and sweet. ALWAYS.

Do you protect your mom or dad with how you answer them, your gestures and even facial expressions? Do you protect your friend with your responses each time someone gossips about him/her? Do you still hope and pray to God to change your heart to what He desires for you when things don’t go your way? Do you ask your Maker to make you more patient and enduring to your boss/teachers?

To quit or to love?

Would you choose to scar your life and the recipient of your words when you quit?

I bet you have already seen how one can hurt with what you say.

“Death and life are in the power of the tongue, and those who love it will eat its fruits.” - Proverbs: 18:21

Do you dare to live with the thoughts of what-if-I-had-just-been-more-patient? Or would you choose to love and be a vessel of light in a difficult person’s life? Remember that it’s a choice, NOT a result of emotions.

Someone dear to me advised me once that when you have said something, you no longer own it. The people who hear them now own them too. You can no longer take back the damage it has done. Decide today in whatever circumstance or event, who will you be? How are you going to react?

DON’T QUIT

Quitters don’t go anywhere. They will still get stuck in the same situations, events or difficult people they want to escape from. They will encounter the same trial once more but in a different form. Why?

Because they quit!

They didn’t face the challenge of what should have made him/her a stronger, more capable and better human being. God allowed that something to happen in your life. He ordained consequences of YOUR choices, YOUR actions. So do yourself a challenge and FACE IT. I know I have.

We were never tasked to change the world; but only to change oneself and maybe, in one way or another, change many others’.

“You were taught, with regard to your former way of life, to put off your old self, which is being corrupted by its deceitful desires; to be made new in the attitude of your minds; and to put on the new self, created to be like God in true righteousness and holiness.” – Ephesians 4:22-24

“Blessed is the man who perseveres under trial, because when he has stood the test, he will receive the crown of life that God has promised to those who love him.” – James 1:12

Quitting should never be an option because you have already been saved by the Conqueror of life and death.

“But thanks be to God! He gives us the victory through our Lord Jesus Christ. ” – 1 Corinthians 15:57

Claim it!

Spare Time Determines What Is Most Important To You

By Sean

Great athletes, great inventors, great speakers, have one thing in common. They value the spare time. They live to maximize those gaps. They don’t waste precious minutes.

This is a blog entry from pastor Bernard Marquez. He is one of the inspirations and reasons why I started blogging. A great and wise man. This blog entry of his changed my life. His blogsite is coming up soon! So wait for it!

Success lies in how we use our spare time.
Everyone protects their 8 solid hours either for work or study.  But many individuals fail to locate where the other 16 hours go.
There is more gold in the spare time than in the committed time.
Time is like music, it has breaks and pauses.  Every part is important.  Try listening to a podcast without pauses… its tiring and annoying.
Time is also like surfing.  It comes and goes.  Prepare for the big wave by maximizing your spare moments.
WAITING TIME is the most important time.  Its your:
- Quiet time

- Processing time

- “Leave the results” to God time

- Cocoon time (preparation for your big break)

What you do in your spare time determines your skills.

Your spare time reveals what you really like in life.  That’s where unguarded moments go.

You do things you really love in your spare time.
Drummers and musicians, golfers, basketball players knows this.  They grab every opportunity to maximize the spare time.  They practice.  They do personal training in those time boxes.

What can we do?

- Decide in advance what you really want to achieve

- Prepare mini activities that can fit 20 – 30 minute gaps (like reading, rudiments, mini speeches, post its with lines for notes, calls to important people etc..)

- Be aware of your goals and your schedule.

- Manage your energy.  “Time management is energy management”  Jack Groppel.

Be VERY careful then how you live, not as unwise but as wise!

Traits of Wisdom. The wisdom list

By Sean

The Wisdom List

There are so many different traits of wisdom. Some people have it while some don’t. It’s something that we learn and practice. Some of them becomes a habit while some of them has to be a discipline. I just wanted to make a wisdom list which I will expound on my latter posts.

THE WISDOM LIST

Your words aren’t yours anymore once you say it – so think hard before letting a word go

Less words, less room for foolishness

Never stop learning even from your students

Your thoughts rule your emotions – so rule your thoughts

Speak only when necessary otherwise, listen

A wise man, when provoked, keeps his calm

A wise man overlooks an offense

Does not only hear but listens

Gives the benefit of the doubt

Does not think too much

Does not overanalyze things

Leads others to wisdom

A wise man is not the same as a philosopher

A wise man is not someone who knows a lot – he just knows how to decide what is right from what he knows

Knows what vision to keep and what to put away

Knows how to say ‘no’ to the lot of unnecessary things of this world

Knows that there must be more to life than study, work, settle down and die

Taming the emotion is a discipline – it starts with taming the thought

Wise men know how to keep their ‘yes’ because they know that when they do give it, they’re saying ‘no’ to other things

What you say is just as important as how you say it

Traits of a wise and Humble person part 3

By Sean

A wise and humble person knows how to say ‘hi’

No-brainer? I don’t think so. So many people don’t care to say ‘hi’ anymore these days. You tend to pass someone by, someone you know and sometimes something in us says “Let him/her be the one to say ‘hi’ first, afterall, if that person doesn’t reciprocate it’s gonna humiliate you and hurt your pride.”

The Bible says that in the last days, the love of the people will grow cold. We are seeing it now with our own lives. People are cold. Even those who know each other tend to just pass each other by when they cross paths. People who knows how to say ‘hi’ are rare and humility can be seen in their initiative to do so.

A wise and humble person knows when to ‘say it’ and how to ‘say it’ | He knows that saying it is ‘humility in words’

I wrote an article about ‘Saying It’ in this blog. Wise and humble people knows when and how to ‘say it’ because they know that wisdom and humility doesn’t just come in actions or deeds but it must also take the form of words. Even if your humility is painfully obvious in your actions, unless you know how to ‘say it’ it can never be complete.

A wise and humble person knows when, how and who to cry for help | He knows that this life needs help

Someone who’s drowning and doesn’t cry for help is someone who doesn’t want to be humiliated even if he knows he’s helpless. The people around him can see that he is indeed in need, but because his pride is in the way, he would rather drown. Does it do him any good? No.

A wise and humble person knows that he has to cry for help at some points in his life. And when he does, it humiliates him BUT his dependence on the help-giver is the real strength of a man. It is the harder thing to do to set aside your pride and cry for help.

A wise and humble person listens

Someone who is devoid of love tends to keep talking about himself or herself – things would come out braggy and proud. A wise and humble person knows how to discipline himself to keep his mouth shut and listen – knowing that the other person might impart wisdom in any way. Not talking about yourself and encouraging the other person to talk is a great form of uncommunicated humility.

Traits of a wise and humble person Part 2

By Sean

2 days ago, I talked about the first three traits of a wise and humble person. How would you know if a person is truly humble and wise? This post is to help you how to be one. Here are the next four:

A wise and humble person knows God | because Jesus Christ was the humblest man who ever lived

How would you know if a person is truly humble and wise? He knows God. Why? Because Jesus Christ is the best example of humility and wisdom. He had it all yet he gave it all up for us. He was God and yet He was humiliated when He took the lowly form of man. Jesus Christ is the perfect example of humility and wisdom in one body. A real wise and humble person knows God.

A wise and humble person never let’s his/her competitive nature get in the way

Sometimes we tend to be competitive in everything. If we know we are better in this area than the other person, we don’t want to listen to that guy. We want to be the one doing the talking and giving out wisdom. We are competitive.

Someone once said: “I consider every man my superior, in that I learn from him.” This is so true! And this has helped me gain so much wisdom in people! I look at every man as my teacher and as my superior in some degree. It humbles me and would try to extract from that person any wisdom I can get through our relationship.

Don’t let your competitive nature get in the way. A humble and wise person knows how to make every man his superior.

A wise and humble person never flatters | because he can give real praise

A wise and humble person never resorts to flattery. Flattery is empty praise that is meant to steer the person into what he/she likes to hear so that you would gain favor. This is not an option. Why? Because a truly wise and humble person can give true praise – praise that is meant to encourage and build the other person up. The praise of a wise and humble person never asks for anything in return. It is real, genuine, meant – it is precious.

A wise and humble person smiles | This might be simple but it’s true

Such a simple thing to do right? Smiling makes a huge difference nowadays. Humility can be seen when you smile, especially when you do it to a person you’re vaguely familiar with or is a stranger to you. It says a lot about a person when he/she smiles – it says “I want to get to know you more even if I don’t need to.” Smiling is humility in it’s simplest – try it out!

Traits of a wise and humble person Part 1

By Sean

How would you know if a person is wise or humble? Sometimes humility can come out wrong. Wisdom and humility goes hand in hand. It cannot separate. There are people whom we deem as humble but in reality they are not. There are people who are skilled role-players in the stage of humility and wisdom and people can’t notice the difference. We can say “No, no, please don’t praise me” but deep inside we’re in cloud 9 with pride. There are certain traits of a wise and humble person and for this post, I’m going to talk about the first 3.

Wisdom and humility cannot be separated

A wise and humble person will not defend himself twice | It’s knowing you’ve made yourself clear

When someone is accused, the natural reaction is for that person is to defend himself. A humble person would make himself clear when accused. He will make sure that the accuser and other people would get his point and then keep silent. If the accuser or the people would still throw accusations at him/her, he would keep his mouth shut because he knows that he’s already made his/her point and it’s no use repeating it. He won’t defend himself twice if he knows he’s already made it clear – look at Jesus’ example.

In staying silent, Jesus showed the people His difference from any other person. He was different. His wisdom and humility was enacted when He chose to keep silent in spite of all the untrue, illogical, contradicting and unbalanced accusations hurled at Him. It’s because He knows that He’s made Himself clear. He knows He doesn’t have to repeat Himself.

A wise and humble person keeps silent on gossip and slander | The truth will always come out

When accused and gossiped about, a wise and humble person would stay silent. He would not fight back with his own accusations or his own sets of gossip. He wouldn’t even try to defend himself if he knows that the gossip is false and the accusations are unreal. Why? Because he knows the truth and whatever happens, the truth will always come out. It will always reveal itself in the right time.

A wise and humble person rarely talks about his/herself | because he seeks the attitude and wisdom of another person in order to gain more wisdom

Talking about yourself will make the other person know you more – which is good. There’s no problem about talking about yourself if you’re building relationships. But you can build stronger ones when you let the other person do the talking and you do the listening. There are a lot of talkers in this world and very few listeners. In fact listeners are endangered species in our democracy-rich planet. Wherever you go, people want to talk about themselves in order for them to be loved and fill that void in them that longs for love.

A wise and humble person lets other people do the talking because he knows that they need a listener and he knows that somehow he can get to build stronger relationships and gain more wisdom in listening rather than in talking about himself.

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