Thor Movie Review

By Sean

Got the chance to watch Thor tonight with the whole family. It’s been a while since we were all together watching a movie due to my brother’s busy school workload. DLSU CSB should re-think of how much load they’re giving to MMA students. It’s a killer. Literally. Just my two cents.

I wasn’t expecting much from the movie due to hearsays so I did not bring any high hopes into the movie house as I sat down with a royal milk tea flavored Serenitea beside me. I wondered, how will Local Movie Review critique this movie?

I have been a fan of Thor since I stumbled upon its comic series way back during my childhood years. I didn’t get to buy much of Thor comics but my dad bought me just one – and I read it over and over again. I have forgotten the title because I’ve read it way back.

The movie started slow and then suddenly transitioned into the realm of Asgard. I love the flow of the story as well as the plot and its intended twists as well as how the movie ‘tried’ to stick to the story based on the comics – wherein Thor started as an arrogant young man and his ‘banishment’ to Earth was the one that changed and humbled him to wisdom (Naks! May Christian values)

I wouldn’t say that the movie is all talk as it has a good amount of action tucked inside the plot. In fact I really enjoyed the fight scene between ‘Thor and friends’ against the Frost Giants a few minutes into the movie. I think that’s the best fight scene in the movie. But even without it, the plot is very rich and you would enjoy how the story goes. I wouldn’t want to spoil anything here so I’ll try my best to tiptoe around this movie review.

A New look

They did not use the conventional Thor look but stuck with the latest Marvel comics release – with Thor having a rugged beard look. I used to expect that the Thor movie someday would get Triple H as the main actor. I was wrong. No matter – I think Chris Hemsworth did pretty well.

Surprisingly, Anthony Hopkins did fit the role of Odin. I personally don’t like Anthony Hopkins because he played a leading role in ‘The Rite’ (I really am against such movies) but his acting is really commendable.

Natalie Portman also did good in her role. She did a good job being the cute and perky scientist that is Jane Foster. Thor keeps saying ‘Jane’ like he’s Tarzan at some point of the movie.

Idris Elba did pretty well too as Heimdall. Really got the macho gatekeeper ‘feel’ going.

But the choice of actor that I like most was Loki. I think they got a really good match with Tom Hiddleston playing the master deceiver. The height and stature, as well as the acting and how he uses his eyes to project his character is really impressive.

I think Thor’s 4 friends didn’t do all that much. They could’ve utilized them more into the movie’s plot – but perhaps that’s why they entitled the movie ‘Thor’ and not ‘Thor and his 4 friends’.

All in all, I think Thor is a really good watch. So far so good, Stan Lee. You’re one lucky guy to have seen all your creations come to life – or something close to it.

Plot [rating:5]

Acting [rating:4.5]

Sounds [rating:4.5]

Effects [rating:4.5]

Impact [rating:4.5]

[rating:overall]

Let’s write down my favorite one-liner shall we?

“I need a horse” – Thor to the petshop boy

Why I don’t like Bella in Eclipse

By Sean

Okay, first-off, I really don’t like to watch the movie in the first place but then since I’m barely home with my family, I figured I should spend time with them – and tonight, it was my little sister’s choice of a movie. As the movie moved on, I realized how much I dislike the character of Bella as depicted in the story.

I'm just so disappointed with Bella Swans today

This is a personal blog entry with very personal opinions. Please do pardon me if I would, in any way, offend any reader browsing through this entry.

Eclipse isn’t the type of movie I’d watch. If you personally knew me, that’s a no-brainer. My type of movies are The Lord of the Rings, Spiderman, A-team, Shutter Island, Stardust and Narnia kind of types. Y’know – fantasy fiction and action movies.

For a long, long while, I haven’t been able to watch a movie until tonight. And what a surprise – we were unfortunately watching Stephnie Meyer’s story about a vampire-werewolf love affair. Coming from a blogging talk in CCF St Francis, I was utterly tired. I just wanted to be entertained for the night with my family.

But I was greeted with a girl who unfortunately cannot make up her mind. In Eclipse, you can see Bella obviously choosing the vampire but then she plays out with her feelings for the werewolf too. Hmmm…

I guess the movie has an emotional impact for me. I could say that I can relate. And I am deeply, deeply disappointed with women like that. Here’s the guy you want. Stick with it. Don’t lead another guy on – even if you do ‘care’ for that person as a ‘friend’ or maybe even a little more than a ‘friend’

It’s just not right.

And if you think it is, then I’m sorry but I honestly think that it’s not – plain and simple.

I guess I could say that I’m writing this entry tonight because I’m just really downcast with what has transpired between me and a person whom I deeply admired. And don’t get me wrong, I still do admire her – some of her traits. It’s just that this aspect of her life wherein I got pretty mixed in and messed up I just abhor. It’s playing with the most intricate feeling – a person’s heart.

And there are just times when the person still wants you to be friends – when you know you cannot give your friendship to that person anymore because you’ll know that he or she will just mess you up again. That’s exactly what Bella did. And the werewolf took the bait and dove straight right in.

My advice is: if the person still wants you to be friends – tell him or her that it just can’t happen because:

1. You might fall for that person again and he or she will just mess you up again

2. When you get rejected as a lover (which I think would be one of the highest forms of friendship?) How then can that person ask you for friendship?

3. It’s just not wise

And this doesn’t work for girls alone.This entry is for you guys out there too.

I guess this I’m just letting out my disappointment of 2 hours wasted on a vampire-werewolf love affair.

My rating for Eclipse: 0 Stars. Not worth it. I should’ve just blogged the night away…

A Philippine based Filipino movie review of Paranormal Activity

By Austin.Takahashi

By: Austin Takahashi

Rating:

Paranormal activity in the Filipino's perspective

All bets are off, and the verdict is in. I have seen Paranormal Activity. If you have read my recent posts about this film, you can tell that I was obsessively excited on watching this overly-hyped horror film that has attracted more controversy than the time-wasting suckiness of Transformers.

Yes, I do hate it. And no, I’m not the only one.

Recently, I have only seen posts and read texts about this film declaring its awfulness and boredom, but here is a review that comes from a guy who actually experienced it in a place where it was made to be seen- a movie house. Do I really need to explain again, “Why in a movie house?”

My friends and I were sitting in the third row. We were the ones closest to the screen in that entire audience. Some of ‘em suggested that we should all sit on the balcony. I refused. We debated. After I threatened to kill them with my bare feet, they gave in. I mean, come on- sitting on the balcony, which is about a hundred feet away from the screen, kinda defeats the purpose of “the big screen”, right?

Paranormal Activity is not about a haunted house. It is about a haunted girl. Wherever she goes, lives, sleeps, brushes her hair- the thing is watching her. Kinda like having a murderous stalker who just bought an Invisible Cloak on EBay. Ah, but this time, her man-child boyfriend is living with her, and he offers his help by buying a camera and tries to record anything that spells, “Boo!”

Now, one must understand the film’s elements and background before I continue. Paranormal Activity had a production budget of over 187 million dollars. Those reading this who actually took the time to research the movie can stop planning to sue for false information because I was just kidding. They only had $11,000 dollars to make this film. With that said, any movie-maker would scratch their head if someone asks you to make a commercial horror flick with cash that gets lost under Oprah’s couch.

Quick thought here: you can give the makers of the Twilight movies 10 billion dollars and a sample script, and the only thing that would change is that the cause of global bankruptcy would shift from economical to “cinematical”.

Then there’s the cast- just four characters, two of which were only extras. People I heard complain about this said that it was boring. The horror-loving generation of today’s youth has been brainwashed by the post-modern horror tradition. Today, a horror movie is composed of a group of dumb teenagers. These kinds of films keep the audience from yawning by violently killing off the characters one by one every 10 minutes until the movie ends.

In Paranormal Activity, we see only a couple and their conflict with something that they cannot escape from. To appreciate this, the viewer must have the ability to empathize with the characters. Thing is, some people refuse to pay attention, and they end up confusing suspense for boredom. Yes, the first half is slower than Paquaio’s English skills, but if the viewer keeps his mouth shut, his ears keen, and his eyes sharp, then he will see how creative and effective this film really is.

Paranormal activity has landed in the Philippines! Go watch!

With just a house as the entire setting of the film, I was greatly impressed on how this film was able to provide scares without being redundant and desperate. The bedroom where the couple sleeps in automatically becomes one of the most infamous rooms in the last decade (second to The Bathroom in Saw).

And now we talk about the most important element: the villain. Now this is where the “It’s so simple, it’s genius!” thought comes to mind. We can’t actually see the villain, but we can see its effects (via wind, shadow, footsteps, etc). You literally feel it breathing on your face, and you know you can’t stop it and you know it won’t leave you.

Seeing a floating card with a magician next to it is cool and not scary. Witnessing a floating card in the middle of nowhere is scary as hell (don’t even deny it). That’s fear ladies and gentlemen, and Paranormal Activity was able to take that concept of fear, load it in a shotgun, and shoot it full force at the characters and the audience. If I was in the position of the characters, losing my mind would be the best case scenario.

The question of “Did it scare me?” was bound to be answered in this review sooner or later, so here it goes. The answer is YES. I felt fear inside of me. It’s not the kind of fear that will make you look away, curl up, or hold someone else’s hand. It’s the kind of fear that will freeze you up and keep you that way until the scene is over.

Before I end, I must make myself clear that my rating is not just based on how high Paranormal Activity was on the scare-o-meter. This is also zero-budgeted filmmaking at its best.

I have seen lots of horror films, believe me. Paranormal Activity deserves to be called a great fright film. To those who couldn’t wait and decided to watch this on a laptop or TV, I say “I feel sorry for you”. To those who watched this in a movie house and didn’t like it, I ask “Why?” I hope I gave enough reasons why I liked this film. If you have any questions and/or complaints, the comment box waves “Hi”.

Why you shouldn’t watch New Moon

By Sean

By: Sean Si

Rating:

Before I start, I just want to say that I’m not a very good critic because I can’t seem to separate my Christianity from my being a movie watcher and movie reviewer.

New Moon poster

It was a Monday night when we watched New Moon, since all cinemas made it real hard for us to watch it in the weekend because all of them were fully boooked. I was ‘reserved’ by my friend to watch this, surprisingly since January. And so I went and gave in to her request… Hayyy…. It seemed to me like it was a good movie since tickets were sold out everywhere.

I haven’t read the book, and I do not plan to. So we made ourselves comfortable, they bought some popcorn and chips and I quietly waited for the movie to start.

You have to understand, my stand in ‘love’ is not how this world sees it. The movie started out with a very wrong sense of love and ended with such as well. All in all, I can say I did not enjoy it because it was not the right movie for my spirit. You can hate me for it, saying it’s unfair or it’s just ‘Fiction’ but I say ‘Fiction’ is a very dangerous word we have used to brand lies that are believable and seemingly logical even to the emotions of our soul.

The acting was okay, the cinematography was nice, the sounds… well…. They’re good enough, especially the music they played when Bella was in the room and the camera was twirling around showing that the months were passing her by. The story… Well it just went by the book, so I’d say it appeals to the readers. It might be a good movie for most, but for me, it’s not. Why?

Because ‘love’ is something our generation has been struggling with dangerously. It has been twisted and bent to something so evil, almost demonic in essence, that when we top it off with a movie that has a message such as this, it is already more than poison to the minds of the youth.

New Moon Book

My generation is devastated with love. It is unknowingly struggling violently to know the meaning of real love. LOVE IS MY GENERATION’S GREAT WAR, it is my generation’s GREAT DEPRESSION. I do not exaggerate when I say this. This movie and story is such a big deception branded under the safety of the word ‘fiction’ that I was so distrubed when I was watching it.

I made a decision to change the world. Someday, I’ll get the chance to share God’s message to the world about real ‘love’. Someday I’ll get to share God’s message to the world that ‘Fiction’ is a dangerous thing to hide under. Someday, I’ll show the world that apart from Jesus, there is no hope, there can be no real ‘love’.

2012 Movie review

By Austin.Takahashi

By: Austin Takahashi

Rating:

Face it – everyone likes to see stuff blow up. And in 2012, things just don’t blow up, they get caught up with the wind, fall to the surface, catch on fire, melt on the ground, and slide to the ocean. If a kid with a box of matches can set a building on fire, imagine what a grown-up like Roland Emmerich can do with a diploma in film school, a Mayan end-of-the-world prediction, and a production budget of 250 million dollars?

2012 Movie poster

Well, you get the longest, loudest, and the most destructive disaster film since Twilight temporarily demolished the name of Hollywood. For those who are not familiar with the film’s director, Roland Emmerich is a one-genre kinda guy. If Martin Scorsese specializes with all things Mafia, and if Alfred Hitchcock excels in making suspense films, Roland Emmerich is the guy who ends the world as a hobby.

Take a quick look at his resume and you’ll see what I’m talking about. He uses nuclear radiation and a lizard named Godzilla to trash Manhattan, he calls up some aliens and makes use of their laser cannon to blow up the White House, he goes back to Manhattan and adds a few sucker-punches using rogue climate in The Day After Tomorrow. He even takes a time machine all the way back to      10,000 B.C. and kicks some ancient butt.

Being a person who has a clear idea of what Emmerich was solely capable of; it would foolish of me to buy a ticket to 2012 and leave the theatre complaining about a rip-off. In terms of plot, characters, and just about all the elements of a film before CGI was invented, 2012 is nothing more than scrapbook of all things anti-Earth and have someone hit you with it continuously in the side of the head for 150 minutes.

It’s ridicoulous beyond reality. Yet, I didn’t get pissed. The sight of global landmarks and major cities getting annihilated was a big enough force to turn my brain off and ignore the tsunami of plot holes smashing me on the face. Hawaii turns to a giant volcano, and Hollywood gets torn down faster than the falling apart of Donald Trump’s hair.

The graphics are surreal

No self-respecting Mayan should watch this because Emmerich has turned their prediction into an excuse to obliterate Earth once again. But regular folks who bought a ticket to see this had probably nothing else to do on that day anyway.

After going all the way with this, I can’t really see Roland Emmerich return for another round of Earth-devastation. But I have a feeling that his plan is to destroy the whole solar system. I hope not. At least not yet. He still hasn’t had the chance to destroy the Philippines.

Hilarious Video review of twilight

By Sean

A video series called “Bum reviews” this one is about twilight. I had a few laughs. Grabe ang kulit niya! =))
Enjoy!

Movie: Twilight

By Austin.Takahashi

Note from the blog-owner: Austin writes about his point of view and review on the movie Twilight. I had a good long laugh. Enjoy!

By: Austin Takahashi

Rating:

If vampires were more than just bloody fairy tales, and one of ‘em saw Twilight, I’d bet they would hunt Steph Meyer, drain her blood, replace it with honey, hang her upside-down on a cave, and wait for bees to sting her to death. Twilight is the fakest, dumbest, most annoying vampire movie ever made.

And because it won top prize at the School of Film Retards, New Moon was given the green light and is going to be released worldwide next month. Before I continue any further, let me make it clear that I have never read any of those books. But if you are an avid fan of the books and the movie, and are willing to send me a copy of Twilight so that I may change my perspective about the film, please do, and I will gladly use its pages as toilet paper. Now let’s continue.

Kirsten Bell is the cursed actress in Hollywood. All the movies she agrees to be a part of end up being crap. Zathura, The Messengers, Jumper: all of them she was in- and all of them sucked. And the moment she signed up to play Bella, her career hit a new low; so low, even Paris Hilton is making fun of her.

She pairs up with Robert Pattinson. OK, so you pair up the worst actress in the universe with a guy whose acting talent is proportional to Pacquiao’s English skills. On top of that, they are given the responsibility to exchange lines from the most annoying script my ears had to endure.

As I sat there in the theatre a year ago, I remember that my seat was comfortable, and the air-conditioning was perfect, and yet I felt that I’d rather be in one of Hitler’s gas chambers than hear lines like, “I’m the most dangerous predator in the world”, “The lion fell in love with the lamb”, and “You are like my own personal brand of heroine”.

Those lines were actually forgivable compared to, “You better hold on tight, spider monkey.” Good thing I wasn’t constipated when I heard that line, because if I was, I’d scoop a chunk of Japanese poo and hurl it to the screen and scream “Eat crap, spider monkey!”

And who could ever forget the scene in the forest where Cullen and Bella had “the talk”. I have seen dozens of hardcore gore movies, but that scene was the closest at making me vomit. You really don’t need me to remind you of how awful that scene was. All you need is your eyes, your common sense, and your sanity.
This is more of an insult than a movie review because Twilight is more of an insult than a movie.

New Moon is coming out soon, and I am pissed and excited at the same time. I am pissed because there are people out there capable of making movies this terrible. I am excited because I get to make fun of the people who are capable of making movies this terrible.

I am only going to watch New Moon only if someone gives me a free ticket. And if that happens, I’ll be ready. Things to bring: blindfold, ear plugs, slingshot, laxative.

Note: If you want a real vampire movie with real romance accompanied with real acting, watch the Swedish vampire movie; Let the Right One In, by Tomas Alfredson. (Watch trailer below)

Movie Review: Atonement

By Austin.Takahashi

By: Austin Takahashi

Rating:

Love is a beautiful thing, without it; there would be no heart-shaped chocolates, Disney Channel Valentine’s Special, and self-willed abortions. But the movie industry interprets it as a means of luring millions of teenage, IQ-depraved girls to spend their allowance to see their favorite movie stars fall in the pitiful pit of love.

For the past year, I’ve seen terrible chick flicks poisoning the world faster than global warming. Here in the Philippines, where celebrities and politicians have the same occupation, I go to malls and I see people lining up to movies like High School Musical and Twilight. The couple from HSM has more hypocrisy than hormones inside them, while the couple from Twilight can just slit each other’s throats with a nail-cutter.

I am here with good intentions. I am here to tell the world that there are love stories out there that show true emotions that convey deep meaning both internally and externally. In Atonement, we go back to a world where cell phones are not yet used as the main tool of courting.

The first half hour deals with society’s usual outline for a chick flick where boy meets girl. Girl’s 10-year-old sister also likes boy and she catches boy and girl in a library. There, her long ignored question of “Mommy, where do babies come from?” gets answered in a very shocking way.

A couple scenes later, the boy gets sent to prison and was later asked to fight in World War 2. (I’m not telling you why for anti-spoiler reasons. You’re welcome.) So far, the movie is still in a very typical flow of a boring love story. Boy and girl gets separated by the law, and all the couples in the audience are holding each others hands promising that they will never leave each other’s lives. (See how uncool people get when they fall in love?)

Except for the great cinematography, use of flashbacks, and structuring of the plot, I was slightly annoyed for most of the movie thinking that I was spending two more hours of my life watching another chick flick while I could’ve done something more important like picking my nose at Starbucks.

But as the film drew to its final moments, my senses were awakened as a last-minute twist was revealed, leaving me in a state of wonder at the genius on how Atonement used the romance of the couple as a mask that disguised its true message. The film couldn’t have ended in a more perfect way.

Atonement is a gorgeous magic trick. The beauty lies in its revelation on how brilliantly subtle it was performed. One viewing of this film is not enough to truly appreciate it. So I urge you dear reader, ignore New Moon, put on some pants, go to your nearest piracy outlet, buy a copy of Atonement, watch it, eat lunch, digest it, then watch it again.

Movie Review: Bruno

By Austin.Takahashi

By: Austin Takahashi

Rating:

Bruno is a film where its likeability factor directly depends upon the viewer’s standard of morality. Open-minded perverts with a lazy conscience are guaranteed 87 minutes worth of consistent laughs. While the sane minority of today’s generation will go to bed in shock knowing that there are normal people out there who are entirely capable of abnormal actions with nothing more in hand than a dildo and a receipt for their dignity.

I am a person who is known for my embarrassing acts in public. I do ninja rolls in the middle of malls and I shout like a retard with an extra voice box when I’m with friends, but Bruno takes the art of self-embarrassment to a different level that even the jackasses from Jackass will think twice on doing.

Sacha Baron Cohen (Bruno) has gone racial to sexual. His portrayal of Borat 3 years ago was funny without crossing the line. His new alter-ego, Bruno, the Austrian homosexual, did not only crossed the line, but took two planes, a cab, and a jog pass the imaginary line of Hollywood that limits how far a movie can go.

I am not recommending you to watch Bruno, but if you still will, I advise you to not watch it with the opposite sex. If you do not comply, the chance of awkwardness is very high. A slap to the face is less likely, but more fun to see when in a public theater.

There is a scene near the middle where I was assured that what I was watching will never be screened in an IMAX theatre in a million years. I’ve seen things in movies come to life, talk, and run around. I’ve never thought I would ever see a zoomed-in, possessed, male “yoohoo” shake in a very uncomfortable manner.

With all its lunacy, Bruno did contain one very funny scene that was funny enough to prevent me on giving this film the occasional “0 Stars”. But that one scene isn’t a good enough reason to watch the movie as a whole.

Wanna know how polluted your mind has become? Watch Bruno, and if you laughed at the parts where saints would vomit, then you are one certified pervert. Good luck.

G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra

By Sean

First of all: I really have no idea what G.I. in G.I. Joe stand for so I looked up in the net. Apparently up until now, it is still unknown. I know, I know… What the heck, right? But here’s what I dug up:

http://www.funtrivia.com/askft/Question13171.html

http://www.funtrivia.com/askft/Question14954.html

http://www.funtrivia.com/askft/Question20794.html

Apparently, there are 3 speculations about it and even the ones who posted it aren’t sure if that’s the real meaning… Anyway…

Watched it tonight with my dad, my mom and my sister. Had sucky seats because it’s opening night T_T but it was alright since I enjoyed the movie quite a lot.

I didn’t get some of the conversation though because the sounds weren’t too good – but I think it’s the cinema’s problem.

The movie started out with a scene that looked like it was during the medieval age. It just explained the history of the character of “Destro.” I didn’t think that was too important but anyhow, the story starts out with a major threat which is embodied by a handful of nano-technology enhanced warheads.

And the plot develops from there. I haven’t really been a fan of the G.I. Joe cartoon series when I was young. I would rather have watched Voltes V, Daimos and Gundam during those days so I’m not one to judge and criticize the transition of the story from the cartoon series to the movie.

But what I do know is that it was very entertaining.

The graphics were really cool and I would never tire of the idea of the iron-man-like suit. I want one of those. They really did a lot especially with the destruction of one of the world’s most popular landmarks. I really love the work they put into the graphics.

The plot is interesting. In fact, I did not guess some of the twists because I didn’t expect them to turn as such. It went quite smoothly, though it’s not too perfect.

The acting, that’s the only part where I must say they didn’t do a pretty good job. Especially in the scene where Duke (the lead character – who is played by the lead actor from the movie Step Up) was in the operating table. It was a horrible scene because the acting was horrible. I was, in fact, appalled at the acting. But, I’m not saying that it ruins the whole movie, though that scene has stuck in my mind even up to now. It’s just that, they should have remade the scene at least to give the acting a second shot.

Other than that, my only comment about it is that it has the feeling of the early action hero movies. Maybe they really intended to add a touch of its cartoon counterpart into it.

All in all, it’s a very entertaining movie and I enjoyed it a lot, especially with my family.

Overall, I give it: 3.5 stars
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