The Three Dangers of Loving Someone

By Sean

I’ve been learning in my relationship with my girl that loving someone has its dangers. Usher said “There’s so many ways to love ya”, and this is true. There’s so many ways to love a person – but what is the right way that will help you keep your relationship straight?

This entry has been inspired by my love for Angelyn Co. To you I will give my life not for the sake of loving but for the sake of glorifying Christ from here on

Loving for the sake of Loving

There are a lot of people today who have lots of love to give. We were created as relational beings. Emotional beings. It is a natural part of us to love someone.

But there is a question we have to ask ourselves. Why do we love? Why do we give our love away to another person? Is it to get married? Is it to have children? What if those things come and are fulfilled? What next?

There are a lot of people today – especially younger people – who love for the sake of loving. Because they have love to give.

Just because you have love to give, doesn’t mean you have to give it. Loving for the sake of loving can be the most selfish, meaningless act you can do in your life – and it will easily lead to emotional instability.

Love is a choice. It is also a powerful emotion. How you distinguish between the two is determined by its purpose. Loving for the sake of loving easily defines love as an emotion because loving for the sake of loving cannot define love as a choice. It will bear no meaning.

Loving someone too much

I’ve written quite a handful of articles about loving someone too much. This is one of the most dangerous aspects of loving that a lot of people fall into. Loving someone too much puts you in the dangerous playground of idolatry. It simply puts the beloved before anything else – even Christ.

Loving someone too much also sets you up, if you’re a guy, to let the girl lead. And if you’re a girl, it sets you up to follow even towards wrong leadership. Wrong leadership can mean, a leading to impurity, sexual immorality, lying, and anything against the heart and leadership of God.

Loving beyond what you can give

Our love has its limits. We are finite beings with finite emotions and finite will, energy, resources, time and imagination. Because we are finite beings, even if we have a lot of love to give, we can run out. Our emotional tanks can go empty. When this happens, you are setting yourself up for disappointment, burnout, stress and bitterness.

Loving beyond what you can give and not getting any reciprocated love in return can easily lead to bitterness.

Loving beyond what you can give and going farther than what your limited time, resources, and energy can bear can easily lead to burnout and stress.

How can Love go Wrong?

The questions our generation is asking is “How can our love have gone wrong?”, “Where did we lose ourselves?”, and the cry of our hearts remains unanswered. How can love hurt so much?

There are so many ways to love someone dangerously. So what do we do? How do we love someone in the right way?

The Purpose behind Loving

There is only one way to love someone – to really love someone. Love for the sake of the glory of God.

This is the answer.

Love can never go wrong with that purpose and direction behind it. Love for the sake of the glory of God. Glorify and honor our God in your love for others – and you will never ask love why it went wrong – ever again.

 

Loving Beyond your Heart

By Sean

Lately I’ve been going through a lot in my personal walk with the Lord as well as in my family and love life. Relationships are a part of life. And sooner or later, you will fall in love. When that happens, I just want you to remember this entry – that you need to love beyond your heart.

This entry has been inspired by the numerous conflicts I have experienced in my life, as well as my learnings and realizations from them. I wanted to share this with all of you because I believe it is important and that you need to hear this.

Being a man, God has assigned me the honor of being the leader in my relationship with my girl. He has designated me to bring her through the journey of spiritual intimacy, physical wellness, emotional wisdom, financial intelligence, and intellectual wisdom. This is not an easy task.

In fact it is a task that can only be possible through the grace of God. Without depending on God, I fell into the trap of trying to do this on my own. I tried to love and lead her with my heart. And I soon found out how disastrous it could be.

You see, the heart can hurt. And when the heart gets hurt, the usual, natural tendency is:

  • Guys withdraw and wait things out until… (etc…)
  • Girls say things they think will soothe their anxiety and work the conflict out

Unfortunately, I’m the kind of guy who withdraws. I realized that I am not honoring God when I do so because I am not leading her when I withdraw.

My Excuse

I tell God “But I might say hurtful things. Isn’t it good that I just withdraw?”, “I’m trying to protect her when I withdraw so that I won’t get angry and hurt her.”, or sometimes I even think “She only hurts me with her words. I think it’s wiser to let things cool off first.”

Now, I’m not saying that these mindsets are wrong. It depends on the situation. But in my case, I merely used them for excuses when I know I could’ve done something about it. I was not being a leader. I was merely loving her with my heart.

“The heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately sick; who can understand it?” - Jeremiah 17:9

To really love is to go beyond your heart. To really love is to know that you are capable for more. To really love is to do hard things. To go the extra mile. To live the impossible. To follow Christ. To really love is to lead your heart through the hurt.

Not to let your heart lead you.

Stepping up

Step out of your heart – that ‘emotional comfort zone‘. It’s a choice when you withdraw as a man because you’re hurt. Wisdom and understanding will tell you why the other person said what they said or did what they did. Knowing this, you will realize that it’s not about you – you don’t need to hurt. You just have to help him/her.

“A man’s wisdom gives him patience; it is to his glory to overlook an offense.” - Proverbs 19:11

Don’t let the offense of any another person hurt you. Instead, validate any truths in it and absorb only what will make you grow and what will help the other person. Filter all offenses from your thoughts. Do not let the unnecessary things get into your heart.

“Guard your heart above all else, for it determines the course of your life.” - Proverbs 4:23

“Casting down imaginations, and every high thing that exalts itself against the knowledge of God, and bringing into captivity every thought to the obedience of Christ;” - 2 Corinthians 10:5

Protect your heart from your thoughts. Lead your heart through wisdom. Don’t let it dictate your actions. Love is a choice, not a feeling. It is a conscious effort to do what is best for the other person in spite of the difficulty and hurts that you feel.

The problem is, the heart can hurt. Love beyond your heart.

Common Mistakes of Men in a Relationship

By Sean

Men were designed to lead. Created by God to be the first human being to work and prepare and lead before he meets his bride.Why then do we see men left and right failing to lead their marriage? Failing to lead their girl?

This entry was inspired by my discipler Aumar Aguilar. To you I give my thanks in helping me see the truth about leading in a relationship.

Loving a woman too much

When a man loves a woman too much, he sometimes take leading for granted. He adopts to his girl instead of leading her. They join the girl in her level instead of him stepping up. This is a major and common problem in relationships. Don’t get em wrong, loving your girl is a wonderful thing – but putting it above the place of God is a sin. Loving someone too much is idolatry.

Men have the tendency to step back and let others lead. Men have the tendency to be complacent. And when this happens, then women’s tendency to take lead kicks in. This is why we see relationships here and there where the men are silent and the women are the ones making the decisions.

There is something wrong.

“When the woman saw that the fruit of the tree was good for food and pleasing to the eye, and also desirable for gaining wisdom, she took some and ate it. She also gave some to her husband, who was with her, and he ate it.” - Genesis 3:6

Why was Eve the one doing the talking? Wasn’t Adam the one who named the serpent? Why didn’t Adam say anything?

Adam was complacent. He let Eve lead during this time. And when Eve fell, Adam fell with her. Perhaps he loved Eve too much – more than His love and faith in God. Because he knew they would ‘surely die’ as God Himself told them.

Losing focus on God

This is a consequence of loving someone too much. Investing too much of your heart on something – even on another human being, can become dangerous. You can only become a leader for your relationship if you are following someone who knows the ups and downs, the ins and outs of a woman’s heart. God designed it. He must know everything about it.

Knowing God more is knowing a woman more. Why? Because God is the source of beauty, love, emotions, mystery, and everything else about a girl. To be able to really lead your girl, you have to seek God’s heart.

Defend your focus on God. Don’t let anyone or anything take it away. Everything that you cannot surrender to the sovereignty of God is idolatry. It is a sin that takes root and creates strongholds in your life.

“Casting down imaginations, and every high thing that exalts itself against the knowledge of God, and bringing into captivity every thought to the obedience of Christ” - 2 Corinthians 10:5

If you really fear God and love Him, you will lead in your relationships as you were designed to. If you really love your girl and want to lead her properly, you will love God more than her.

Leading while you are in the same level as your girl is not leading at all. You always have to be a step higher. Go the extra mile. Make tough choices. Do hard things. Live the impossible. Follow Christ.

Be a man.

How to find the Perfect Mate

By Sean

No, I’m not talking about your coffee. Our generation today has been hurt and burned by relationships turned sour. It’s not an exaggeration to say that this is a question that a lot of people have in their hearts. Just how do you find the perfect mate?

This entry has been inspired by the girl who holds my heart, and by my mentor Aumar Aguilar.

To think that we would have relationships all figured out 2,000 years after the death of Christ. It’s been so long and still it bothers us on how we can finally find someone – who knocks us off our feet. To find someone who makes us feel complete. Finding the perfect mate is a question that will always be left without a direct, one-line, blueprint answer. But there are guidelines we can use in order to finally find that person our hearts are yearning for.

1. Be the perfect mate 

The perfect mate will only want the perfect mate. How can you attract somebody who’s supposed to be ‘perfect’ if you are not ‘perfect’ yourself? If he or she is ‘perfect’ then that person will have wisdom enough to only want what’s best for him/herself.

“The second is this: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’ There is no commandment greater than these.” - Mark 12:31

The ‘perfect’ mate will be wise enough to love him/herself first – and look for the ‘perfect’ mate for him/herself too!

2. Seek God’s Heart

This is probably not the direct answer you’re looking for but it is the best one. Seeking God’s heart deals with a lot of things. And one of those things, is for you to be the person God wants you to be – in order for Him to finally present you to the ‘perfect’ one He has in store for you.

“But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well.” - Matthew 6:33

There is more to this verse than meets the eye. Seeking God’s kingdom will change your life. And His promise of giving all ‘these’ things to you – that is a promise you’d want to have. It definitely includes a ‘perfect’ mate if that is the desire of your heart.

“Delight yourself in the LORD and he will give you the desires of your heart.” - Psalm 37:4

God is God. He is nothing less. He knows all, He is in control, His will is what will happen. He also loves you and cares about you – and like a Father, He is happy when you are happy. He cares about your desires. But any desire that rises above seeking Him and desiring Him is no longer a good thing. So you have to first seek God’s kingdom in your life – then He will see that you are ready to take on more blessings.

Remember, God’s enemies for your heart are not the evil things of this world. It’s the good and pleasurable things that can take the place of God in your life.

3. Perfect is what you make it

My fiance is not perfect. I know her. And there are things in her that will not be considered perfect by the world’s or other people’s standards. But she’s perfect for me.

Perfect is a choice – it is not the complete mending of someone else to your desires, your attitude and yourself. It is a choice to love someone ‘as is’. And as much imperfections as she has in her, she is perfect for me.

I am an imperfect man. The perfect partner for an imperfect me is an imperfect woman – and our perfection is made complete with our choice to love each other ‘as is’.

Love is a choice. Protect that choice – seal it with commitment.

In this life, you will never be perfect. But there is someone who is perfect for you out there.

3 Overlooked Problems in Relationships Today

By Sean

“When you’re 15, somebody tells you they love you, you’re gonna believe them.” This is how Taylor Swift put it in her own words. It’s so easy to get into a relationship today. People want to fall in love – to give love and to be loved. Because there is something to give and it feels great to receive. All the while, we leave 3 very important aspects of getting into a relationship unchecked.

This entry has been inspired by the book “Boy meets Girl”By Joshua Harris.

Jump-start my Heart

Lots and lots of relationships today start out quick. And usually they are plagued with impatience, lack of purpose and misguided emotions. As long as you find him handsome, he finds you pretty, and you say you love each other – that’s enough reason to get together. The world and society today definitely advocates these kinds of relationships.

Patience

Most young relationships are formed with impatience. People are anxious to be in a relationship for various reasons. You might feel left out, or you’re getting older, or no one better might come along, etc… It’s not wrong to desire to be in a relationship – but what is your motive? Is it the confidence that you’re ready for marriage and that God has brought someone godly into your life for you? Is it because you want what’s best for that person in terms of God’s Word and you can give it?

Clear Purpose

A lot of relationships today start without any clear purpose and vision. People date ‘just because’. People fall in love ‘just because’. People tell me they’ve found the one and they’re together ‘just because’. ‘Just because’ doesn’t cut it. You have to have a clear vision and purpose for your relationship. A relationship SHOULD start with only one goal in mind: Marriage. If you have another goal aside from that, I urge you to be patient and develop yourself until you’re ready to take on that goal.

Emotions anchored in Wisdom

Almost all relationships today are fueled by misguided emotions. We do things because it FEELS good. We say things because it FEELS good. We think things about each other because it FEELS good. Emotions don’t last. The moment those feelings go flying away, where then is your commitment? Where then will the relationship be?

Don’t let your emotions dictate your relationship. Emotions ebb to and fro.

“The heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately sick; who can understand it?” - Jeremiah 17:9

Don’t let your relationship be led by a deceitful heart. Make sure that your relationship is guided with wisdom.

Wisdom and Foolishness

We really can’t say that if you’re not wise, you’re a fool and vice-versa. But if you are not pursuing wisdom, you are not growing in maturity as a person. In a relationship, maturity and wisdom come hand in hand – and they are intricately vital. Wisdom can, first and foremost, be found in God’s Word. Make God’s Word your anchor and root – to grow a strong and flourishing relationship that will declare His Glory.

Be wise – for God, for yourself, and for the person you’re going to marry someday.

What Most Love Stories are Missing

By Sean

Sometimes you meet someone, a great person. You’d like to know her more. You get the tingles – and for a while you zoom off having the romance you’ve always dreamed of. Why is it then, that after a time too soon, you find yourself crushed and heartbroken? What went wrong? Or maybe you’re asking “What was missing?”

This entry was inspired by Joshua Harris’ book “Boy meets Girl” Yes I know I’m really late in my Joshua Harris readings but it seems as if God has put this book in perfect timing for me – and perhaps for you too!

The Kite and String

Try to think of romance as a kite. It’s a kite that catches the wind and tenaciously heads for the sky. Often that kite thinks to itself “If this bothersome string would just let go of me, I could really fly high.” But we all know that isn’t true, is it? Without the string holding it in the face of the wind, the kite would quickly come crashing to the ground.

That string is wisdom. That string is also what most romantic love stories are missing because of the tenacious emotions that come zooming off when we’re “in love”.

Wisdom is the string that tugs downward, holding romance back so that it can keep on flying gracefully as it was designed by its Creator to do so. There is a real tension between the string and kite. That tension also keeps the kite protected from crashing itself down. It is a healthy tension.

Oil and Water?

Matching romance with wisdom doesn’t necessarily mean that you do the opposite of what you want. Wisdom is simply the ownership of insight. It means that we understand how one thing relates to another and that we’re willing to change our attitudes and behavior accordingly.

If you take a look at it, it’s quite the paradox and it is somehow perplexing but wisdom and romance is the best way to tread the long, sweet and sometimes, dangerous and hurtful road of romance and relationships. Without wisdom, your romance will have no boundaries – it can be selfish, indulgent, and even idolatrous.

Can you relate?

Have you been in a relationship where you let go of the string? Usually when that happens, only God’s infinite grace – through surrender, prayer and obedience, can hand you the string back. Otherwise, you have to face the damage the kite will incur as it comes crashing down.

It’s NOT ENOUGH to simple have romantic feelings. Anyone can do that! Long-lasting romance needs practical, common-sense wisdom that knows when to let the wind of feelings carry us higher and when to pull back. When to express our emotions and when to keep quiet. When to open our hearts and when to rein them in.

Let wisdom guide you in your love story.

How do you know if you’re the Best guy in Pursuing your Girl

By Sean

How do you know if you’re the best guy for her? Would you feel it? Would you hear it? A whisper perhaps? And once you know it, what do you do? Are you going to wait for more clues?

I posted a short Facebook status saying “If you know you’re the best for her, go for it. You’re not going to make her lose her best man, are you?” – this was sparked by the lyrics of the song ‘Endlessly’ by The Cab as my brother introduced me to it. Funny how life brings back memories in various ways.

It’s been a long while since I posted something about relationships and romance. I guess this is quite a refresher for all of us.

How do you know if you’re the best?

You don’t. There is no blueprint when it comes to relationships. God does not give you a map and leave you to find where the X is. The reason behind that? I dunno. My assumption is that God wants to make it more exciting – and more dependent on Him. The more you seek God’s Will in the aspect of your love life, the more He will reveal it to you.

The only way to really know your love story, is to seek the One who is writing it and ask Him to tell it to you. Our God is the greatest storyteller.

A Simple story

I’ll let you in on a story. There was this guy who prayed for this girl he really liked. One night, he prayed hard. No, he didn’t sweat blood while he was praying. But he prayed hard.

He said “God, if this girl is NOT the one you want me to marry and spend the rest of my life with, please take the relationship away. Cut off everything – even the friendship. Because I don’t wanna waste my time, money, effort, etc… for nothing. But God, if she is the one you want for me, then I pray give me a sign.”

And the sign he asked from God is a dream – that he would dream of her and she would dream of him.

That night, they both dreamt – of each other. And then he thought “This is it.”

A few months after, this guy got busted. WHAT???

There is no blueprint.

He went on to develop himself:

  • Physically he went out and went to the gym, did some swimming for exercise, ate the right food and watched his diet.
  • Emotionally, he tried to wrestle with God about the heartbreak, surrendering every hurt to His creator and love storyteller.
  • Spiritually he drew closer to God – seeking rest and comfort from the giver of both. Serving in ministry and affecting other people’s lives.
  • Financially he worked hard. He planned, risked and then set up his own business.
  • Mentally he increased his knowledge about relationships, leadership, management and financial intelligence through reading books and listening to other people’s advice.

All the while, he didn’t know that God is in the works. All these things that he did had a great purpose for him. It was God who led him to the heartbreak in order to be the best.

As time passed, God put this guy in a business relationship with the girl’s dad.

The guy and the girl became friends again (yay!)

To be continued….

Just kidding.

Got a guess as to what happened?

All things happen for a reason

Soon after, the girl asked this guy “Can you say that you’re the best for me?” – This is the question that the girl asked her suitor beforehand and she wanted to know what this guy’s answer was.

If God did not take that guy through all those things, I assure you that he would have paused, thought about it, and said “No” – because he just graduated from college and was broke and was a nobody before God took him through heartbreak.

God had a purpose. He made sure that this guy SHOULD BE the best one for this girl before he put them together.

In a heartbeat the guy said “Yes, I’m the best for you.”

Looking back, the guy knew that God is faithful. He does not give you signs you deeply asked and sought Him for without reason or purpose. God always plans ahead. He knows the blueprint. He has the map. He is the storyteller.

How do you know if you’re the best for her?

Seek God in all you do. Love the Lord your God with all your heart, soul and strength and love other people as yourself. Seek first His kingdom in all aspects of your life – even in your love life.

Once you know you’re the best for her

Pray and ask God if it’s time to make a move – and if he says ‘yes’ then move! Don’t wait. Don’t let time pass and ask for more clues. God will let you know. Looking back, He was the one who connected all the dots for me. I’m not saying we’re going to have the same love story coz we’re not.

But one thing I do know, God is faithful – and if you will obey and follow His leading, He will guide you and make you see that everything He did for you was for a big purpose.

If you seek God hard enough in the aspect of your love life, He will lead you – whether it’s a ‘Wait’ or a ‘No’ or ‘You’ll get to meet him/her soon’ or what have you.

Be the best by drawing closer to God and letting Him lead you. Then go for it. It’s not easy – and it never will be even when God leads you to marriage. But it’s all about what God wants for you. And if you’d only depend on Him, you’ll see amazing things happen in your life.

Update 2013: That guy I was talking about here? Well, he’s getting married. Praise God for all He has done in my life! May my love story be an inspiration and an example to all of you. Put God first – seek Him, and suddenly love will not be too hard to understand. Suddenly, finding the perfect partner for you will not be too hard to do – because God will be the one to lead you to that person.

Pray for your future partner in life. I’ve been praying for her since I was 12. She became the best one for me in the best time because I prayed for her too you know.

For my awesome, insanely impossible, unexpectedly romantic love story – to God be all the glory, honor and praise!

Why your Sex Life Disappoints You

By Sean

Sex life: The question is, are you doing it right? But let me elaborate that question further.

“For many people, certainly, sex is the most powerful and moving experience that life has to offer, and more overwhelmingly holy than anything that happens in church. For great masses of people, sex is the one force which can actually tip men and women completely off their accustomed centers of gravity and lift them, however briefly, right out of themselves.” – Mike Mason in ‘The Mystery of Marriage’

Sex is something that people describe as ‘amazing’, ‘wonderful’, ‘out of this world’, and the list goes on. Why then, is that so many people, after having that ‘out of this world’ experience, find themselves empty, wanting and perhaps aching as a void subtly nudges somewhere in their soul?

Am I doing it wrong?

This is the question that so often pops into mind after that aching, empty feeling. Perhaps you’ve had sex. Perhaps you’ve had one of the best ones in your life thus far. But somehow, someway, you feel that something in you is not right.

Let me tell you what you’re doing wrong.

You meet someone. You fall in love. The passion and fire burns between your romance, and then, by some compelling, fleshly urge, you have sex.

This is wrong.

So let me tell you how to do it right.

Sex is designed.

It is not just some primitive instinct that all animals, insects and humans accumulate in themselves. It is something that is intricately designed – especially for us human beings – in order to arouse something unexplainable in us. It’s more than feelings (emotion), it’s more than physical consummation, it’s more than intellectual will and experience. It is a sort of spiritual oneness.

And only through that Spiritual oneness will you be able to do it right. That spiritual oneness can only be complete inside the bonds of marriage.

This is what we have lost.

“Don’t let your disappointing experiences cloud your understanding of this. We have grown cynical, as a society, about whether intimacy is really possible. To the degree that we have abandoned soul-oneness, we have sought out merely sex, physical sex, to ease the pain. But the full union is no longer there; the orgasm comes incomplete; its heart has been taken away. Many have been deeply hurt. Sometimes, we must learn from what we have not known, let it teach us what ought to be.” – John Eldredge in ‘The Journey of Desire’

This is why we are not doing it right.

Unless we do things right with our sex life, we will never be satisfied. We will never be fulfilled. We will ache with a real ache – something unexplainable within our soul.

Only God can fill that void – and He says it should be done inside the bounds of marriage. That is the only way to have a sex life that will not disappoint.

Why your Love Story is Weird

By Sean

When we finally meet ‘the one’, ‘the perfect mate’, ‘the man/woman of our dreams’, we become so giddy and optimistic. Our brains are wired to a happy source of thinking – our emotions. Everything seems to be perfect and every uncertainty about the future seems easy and nice. We’re in a perfect world with a perfect special someone having a perfect romance. What could possibly go wrong?

This entry was inspired by the message of John Ortberg ‘Everybody’s normal ’til you get to know them’

Sound familiar? Perhaps you’ve been through one of life’s most intoxicating drug – love and romance. Isn’t it such a cliche that we still talk about these things? Why is it so that many people find themselves in a perfect romance today and then a soul-wrenching heartbreak tomorrow? How can something so good turn out so bad? Something so beautiful into something excruciatingly painful?

Cracked

At the beginning of your love story, you have to realize that it is already damaged. Not because of anything but because we human beings are marred by the sins and imperfections that our bodies and souls bear.

Imagine an aisle of a department store which are filled with items that has special tags on it. These tags are big and are very readable. The tags read ‘as is’.

Something is wrong with these items – maybe a zipper that won’t zip, a missing button, a loose screw, a cracked surface… The store won’t tell you what’s wrong of course. You have to find out for yourself. And you will find it. Perhaps after spending some time with it. There is no refund, no return, no exchange, and you can’t come back saying that the item has this damage or that missing part – because you bought the item ‘as is’.

We are at the ‘as is’ corner of the universe.

You and I.

And everyone else.

The Dream

We like new relationships. As human beings, new relationships, new friends, new colleagues, new classmates – they excite us. We want to get to know new people we meet – as if it’s gonna be ‘normal’ this time around. But it’s not. Because everyone’s weird. Everyone’s different. Everyone’s ‘as is’

We dream. We dream of having a ‘normal’ relationship. For those of us who love the dream of having an ‘ideal partner/mate’ – someone who is perfect in every way that we have always hoped or imagined, we have to be careful. We could become destroyers of our relationship with our future partner/mate if the relationship we would soon have turns out differently from that dream.

Even if your intentions are honest, and perhaps even good, if you hold on to that dream of an ‘ideal partner/mate’ more than your partner/mate, you could damage the relationship even without knowing it. I know because I too dreamed. And perhaps everyone does – it’s just a matter of how hard are you holding on to that dream.

Ordinary People?

We need to be someone who accepts weird people because that’s the only kind of people there are. We need to be people who holds on to no dreams, no disillusionment about other people. Sure everyone’s normal at first. Until you get to know them a bit more. Entering into a relationship with someone means that you are entering into a weird relationship – you either accept it, tolerate it or you condemn it.

It’s good to have standards and non-negotiables and dreams but don’t hold on too tight to those ideals. Learn to love ‘as is’. Learn to accept ‘as is’. Because when the time comes that you meet ‘the one’ for you, you might just be surprised that he/she is part of the same ‘as is’ corner of the universe as you are.

Everyone has a crack. Everyone is damaged. Everyone is weird. Everyone’s ‘as is’. Only you would consider yourself as ‘normal’ – but if you are really honest with yourself, you might even confess that you could be ‘slightly irregular’.

In the end, you realize – there is no perfect romance.

And you’re right.

That’s because we are all imperfect people.

Learn to love ‘as is’.

Being ‘In Love’ and having an Emotional Need

By Sean

We are emotional creatures. Like it or not, whether you are a boy or a girl, you have emotional needs. And as emotional creatures, we do experience that ‘falling in love‘ state, don’t we?

This entry has been inspired by the book “The 5 Love Languages” by Dr. Gary Chapman and “Fit to be Tied” by Bill and Lynne Hybels. IPraise God for the wisdom that they give through their writing.

Cloud 9

There is a state in time when you are ‘in love’ and you set reason and logic to a secondary state. Your feelings and emotions get the upper hand. Suddenly a 1,200 peso bouquet of flowers seem so affordable in light of the girl you like. Suddenly the time you could have spent working on your thesis seem less important than spending time with that certain someone. Suddenly, everything else seems less of a priority compared to your relationship with that person.

Being ‘in love’ spells out an emotion that is so good – it keeps your emotional tank running in full. Unfortunately, this state of emotional being has a limited duration that, according to Dr. Gary Chapman in his book, ‘The 5 Love Languages’, lasts for 2 years at most.Time is something to take into account when you’re in this state of emotion.

I’m not saying that being ‘in love’ is bad. No it’s not. In fact, I find it a good and enjoyable state of an individual’s emotion. Though I do tell people to double-check their decision making when they are in this state.

When it’s over…

Again, being ‘in love’ lasts only for a certain duration. After which, you’ll find yourself back t who you were before being ‘in love’. Your reasoning and logic takes a stronger hold on you once more. You suddenly become more efficient with your time, finances, etcetera. That’s because being ‘in love’ is almost always an unconscious trigger. You don’t need to condition your mind to be ‘in love’ for you to be in that state – it just ‘happens’.

So being ‘out of love’ is also an unconscious trigger. It just happens. That’s just the way it is. I’m sure you’ve had your shares of being in and out of love. But what I really want to talk about is the awareness of that emotional need.

A need to know

Unlike the ‘in love’ state, the emotional need is constant. It is always there – from the time you were born, to the time that you pass away. Whether you have a relationship with a certain special someone or not, you have an emotional need. Everyone does.

You have to know how to fill your emotional need. Know what makes you tick. When that need is not met, you are in a dangerous state because you’ll settle for a quick fix (as I’ve mentioned in a previous post). Knowing what meets your emotional need will also help your future spouse fill it up.

In a husband/wife relationship, being aware of that need is vital. To meet your spouse’s emotional need is to invest in your marriage. That need exists whether or not you’re in or out of the ‘in love’ state. And when you’re talking about marriage, you’re tied together for good.

Focus on how you can meet that constant emotional need without the ‘in love’ state – so that you are able to fill your emotions consciously by yourself without having the need to involve another physical person in your life.

Why was the First Man created Alone?

By Angelyn

Note from the author: This entry was inspired by my Love who said he wanted to stretch my limits. I praise God for him each and every time I think of him, everyday. He inspires me.

Have you ever wondered why God created Adam before Eve? Let me speak first with the ladies. In some cases that we get to have men open our door, hear them say, “Ladies first” or “After you”… soon thereafter a smile marks our faces, and we’ll be happy to have met one of the few gentlemen left in the planet. But when our God created the universe, the human race, He first made Adam. As I pondered and talked with God, here are some of the reasons:

Men Are Designed To Lead.

Kindly note, designed, it’s not a matter of want. Guys, you’re made for leadership. God wanted you first to know the ins and outs, the structural framework and then you delegate. He knows that you hunger for the adventure, to seek the unknown for yourself and by yourself. And guess what, He specifically designed you to enjoy it.

Yes, two minds indeed are better than one. However, order first has to be established and our systematic God placed men in that authority. And as we all know, leadership comes with great responsibility.

Men Have Priorities.

If you will read in Genesis 1 verse 20-24, God created great creatures of the sea, every winged bird according to its kind, living creatures on the land, wild animals according to its kind and creatures that move along the ground. In v22, it writes God blessed them and said, “Be faithful and increase in number.” But again, for the human race, only a man was created.

In v26, God said, “Let us make man in our image in our likeness, and let them rule over the fish of the sea and the birds of the air, over the livestock, over all the earth, and over all the creatures that move along the ground.”

From here, we can say that God created man first for Himself; to do His work and mission for Him. He ought to be fully developed, molded into His likeness in strength and in character. And then after this, God creates his Eve – or should I say, He lets Adam meet his Eve.

And so what are we ladies ought to do? You guessed it right! We are to wait. But not just that, we are to be developed as well. In Proverbs 31 verse 11, it writes, “Her husband has full confidence in her and lacks nothing of value.” Statistics now says that for every man, there are 7 women! So we better make sure that we’re the better choice compared to the other 6, don’t you think?

Women Are Designed To Partner.

There was an enormous task to be done. God had entrusted Adam with His creation. And He placed Eve alongside him to encourage, support and help him carry his tasks. God didn’t particularly specify that Eve should rule over the animals with Adam but He wanted her to be beside Adam. Some of you might think this to be unfair but basing it in Scripture, God placed Adam in-charge and so Eve’s focal was to be there for Adam… to serve him… to accompany him.

We are to trust our God and remember Him to be our Creator and Author of our love stories. He knows even the numbers of hair in our head. He knows the utmost desires of our hearts. Therefore, wouldn’t He know what is best for you? Definitely! But in our waiting, in Him alone, can we find the Perfect Gentleman.

‘You can’t hurry love.’

Men, Adam never asked God he needed a mate. He didn’t question his Master how come all the creatures he ruled over had a partner yet he didn’t. God just knows. In His wisdom, riches and grace, He provided him with his Eve out of his own ribs. And so men, I urge you to work and be developed for the advancement of His Kingdom. And women, wait patiently and expectantly for your Adam. Keep yourselves pure and be steadfast for your man.

Seek ye first the Kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things shall be added unto you. –Matthew 6: 33.

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