I remember when I was still studying and I couldn’t find an assignment I did days ago for our Chemistry subject. Back then, this professor was not only my class adviser, she was also our batch adviser and need be to mention, the most TERROR teacher I’ve met. No kidding, even my mom was afraid of her! So going back, I couldn’t find my assignment. Continue reading “How God Understands Your Loss” »
You must be saying, “But we cannot avoid discouragements!” True, in fact, as much as we cannot predict what will happen in a year, a month or a week, we cannot assume we will not experience anything discouraging in a DAY. But how do we react when we are discouraged? Usually, how long do you stay feeling the way you do after the particular incident “caused” you to be discouraged?
Continue reading “Leave No Room for Discouragement” »
Recently, I have been thinking about talents. I believe that our talents are given for 2 reasons – to glorify God and to bless others. And since we have a God who is unselfish and loving, He uses us to be channels of blessings to others.
This post has been inspired by the series of events in my life this week that showed how giving, forgiving and good our God is.
Men are being graded everyday. I hate to admit this to the world, but it’s true.
This article is for men out there who would really want to know how to love his girl the way she wants to be loved. This blog is also written in agreement with Dr. Steve Stephens’ book Lost in Translation, specifically on The Point System chapter.
Do you recall the last time you told your partner, “You’re moody again”? That most probably is true, but really you just GAINED a NEGATIVE SCORE. It must be that you are so low, the feelings had to show.
Women are born to be wooed. Whether you as a man like that or not, or whether your girl admits that or not, IT IS TRUE. It was how she fell in love with you, it was how why she gave her “YES” and it will be how she will REMAIN.
Men who go out telling other men that women are hard to understand are lazy. These are guys who forgot how capable they were to making their partner happy. They just simply gave up.
Scores can be gained and/or lost everyday. You have to understand that a point translates to the SMALL things you do for her. Sometimes, due to lack of time, resources and other excuses, men are lured into giving the BIG gifts: a new watch, an expensive gadget, a surprise date in a fine dining restaurant, etc. I hate to break this to you, but that still translates to a point; if she’s nice, 2 points may be. Now do you get it why she is not content?
It’s really the little thoughts and gestures that touches a girl’s heart. CONSISTENCY is KEY. This will definitely give you flying colors. If you could consistently do something, then this is most probably what is in your heart. So if you consistently do not inform her of your whereabouts, she understands this as you don’t want her to know where you are. Whereas if you regularly bring home something you know she likes, she understands this as you thought about her. POINT!
It pays to know her language of love as well. Once you know that, MASTER it. I promise you, you won’t regret it.
So what are you waiting for? Score those points today!
Women are multi-taskers. They could be talking on the phone on one hand and preparing her child’s sandwich on another. A friend of mine was talking to me about her experience in zipline in Cagayan de Oro then in the middle of it, she remembered her unfinished report on climate change and started talking about that! Random? Not exactly, more on REAL if you’re a girl.
Dr. Stephens describe women as sponges and men as turtles in his book Lost in Translation. Here, I’ll talk about how and why I personally agree with him.
Sponges absorb liquids as much as it can. It doesn’t spill unless you press them. It just takes everything in.
I’m reminded of a conflict between my friend and her husband. For the millionth time, she reminded him about locking the car doors once they start moving. Unfortunately, Curt just doesn’t find this necessary. So in frustration, my sister said, “If I don’t think about these things, who would?”
Studies say that women are more stressed than men. A probable reason for this could be because just like a sponge, they try to take in as much stress, responsibility and pressure as they can. Another reason could be is that women find it hard to say ‘No’ when faced with a task. Still another, they find it hard to let go of a concern and have it go over their minds in all possible angles they know.
Men as turtles, however, do not react this way. When faced with stress, the natural reaction would usually be to roll on their backs. They would not pay much attention to something that makes them feel unsure, undecided and unstable. This way, their shells remain hard, strong.
As my dad would say, “Sleep on it. Maybe in the morning, you’ll get a new perspective on how to solve the problem.” “What if I don’t? How sure are you that I would?”, was how I usually responded.
Let’s have a quick comparison of the two:
Sponges (Usually Women)
- Overanalyze concerns. Check every possible detail, look at different scenarios (“what-ifs”) which can add stress
- Internalize and admit feelings
- Socialize thoughts and feelings
- Deny or postpone concerns. Dislike the feeling of uncertainty so would rather think of other things
- Suppress “unmanly” emotions
- Strategize and act on what to do
Studies also say that men are more stressed than they realize. They don’t pay close attention so they don’t notice stress related behaviors such as forgetfulness, binge eating, smoking, drinking and the like which may already signal stress to their partners.
One important condition that both the turtle and sponge should be careful about is overcompensation. This often times happen without the couple’s knowledge. When a turtle’s shell is too strong, the sponge feels she has to absorb MORE. This way, the sponge says, we can get things done. Then the turtle counteracts what he sees by having a STRONGER shell in order to avoid more drama. This is where it gets ugly.
In reality, turtles and sponges both need to be more familiarized on how each other react in order to work together. Sponges admittedly envy the strong shells of turtles and really hope they could worry less. Turtles on the other hand should come out of their shells and step up to the challenge.
There was one time in my relationship with Sean that I felt shut out of his ‘personal’ life. He booked an out-of-town trip for 5 days and 4 nights with his friends and informed me just the night before he’ll leave. I was hurt, disappointed and need I mention? Upset.
This is another addition to the inspiring chapters I have read in the book ‘Lost in Translation’ by Dr. Steve Stephens.
Women love to talk. I remember when I meet with my girl friends over dinner, we’d end around midnight and one of us will be scheduling the next meet-up as we were not yet done discussing her latest issues. We share our personal experiences on how we felt the same way when her partner did this and that. We give opinions on how-tos and what-thens thinking, she’ll know better how to respond when that thing she’s struggling with happens again. Yes, I know men, it’s mind boggling. But this is a fact. It’s how most girls unwind and release tension, it’s how we’re wired, and definitely it’s how we connect.
Men on the other hand, DO what they think solves the problem. They oftentimes, just do what they think is correct. Men see independent decision making as competence; a strength. If they see an issue, immediately they take care of it. As leaders of the relationship, they feel that it is their role to decide on issues. Many times, they think that their partner’s input may and does cause delay, so they just go ahead and do it.
As the book describes: Guys are track stars, girls are volleyball players. However, in life, there is such a thing called trolleyball.
Women feel loved, close and connected to their partners when they decide together. Issues, except for those that a spouse shows ‘no interest’ on, should be discussed. On the contrary, they feel it’s selfish and inconsiderate when men leave them out of the court.
Men need independence. They enjoy movement. Independent decision making allows them to move on with their next to-do things so they could relax and have their alone times. They view interdependent decisions as messy, could be emotional and unnecessary.
Obviously, trolleyball means that the track star still gets his independence and the volleyball player still enjoys her teamwork. He gets his space, she gets her discussions. I know this is easier said than done. But to make a relationship work, there has to be a balance:
Women understanding men as independent beings. It’s not their intention to leave you out of the game but to lead you in it. Men on the other hand, have to realize that discussions heighten closeness. It is not a question of trust or your capabilities but of mutual respect and working together.
As I continue to study this disparity between men and women, I saw that Sean came back from that trip sweeter and more refreshed at work. He was a track star, running his race and I welcomed him home with a trophy. Surrendering those feelings to God was more than worth-it.