“Breaking up is Hard to Do” says Neil Sedaka (I’m pretty sure you know this song). And I believe that this is completely true. I also believe that staying with the wrong person is even harder.
This entry has been inspired by Craig Groeschel’s book ‘ Going all the Way – Preparing for a marriage that goes the distance’
We dread breakups because of the emotional pain and trauma that it brings along. No one likes a breakup. And there is no such thing as a ‘good breakup’ because you have just given away part of your self to another person and now, you have to ‘break it off’.
The Love Binge
Maybe you’re with someone who has ‘potential’ and you’re not so sure if you have a future together. At times you want to end it. At times you don’t understand each other. At times, it feels like heaven and you think ‘Maybe – just maybe – this could work.’
How can you really know if you should break up with someone?
A Question of Integrity
The first thing you need to check with your girlfriend or boyfriend is if he or she lives without integrity. Integrity covers a lot more than just that he or she is nice and makes you feel special. A person with integrity measures his or her inner desires and values by the standard of God’s truth – and that inner commitment is matched by outward behavior, even in the little things that no one else sees.
“The integrity of the upright guides them, but the unfaithful are destroyed by their duplicity.” – Proverbs 11:3
I’m not perfect. And chances are, neither are you. But I’m not saying that we should search for perfection, rather we are looking for someone who is saying to God in his or her life, “Lord, change me. Make me more like You.”
When your girlfriend or boyfriend does something against God’s Word, see how quickly he or she repents. A good mark of maturity is a short time span between sin and repentance. If she lies, admits it quickly, and asks for forgiveness, she’s on the right track. If, on the other hand, he lies, covers his tracks, lies again, then yells at you for not trusting him… you have a problem.
You are looking out for a person with integrity because whether you like it or not, integrity will protect your marriage. Marrying a person with a huge hole in integrity can mean that your marriage will suffer – for life. Imagine the damage it can do to your family. To yourself. To your relationship with God and other people.
A Question of Influence
If you’re with someone who pushes you into sin – dishonesty, drugs, alcohol, rebellion, sexual immorality, law-breaking – don’t fight it. Run from it.
“Bad company corrupts good character” - 1 Corinthians 15:33
If the person you’re dating lacks self-control in one area, he’ll likely lack it in several other areas.
Ask yourself: Is dating this person drawing me closer to God? Or am I finding myself drawn away from Him?
Don’t flirt with anyone or anything that hurts your walk with Christ.
A Question of Belief
If your boyfriend or girlfriend isn’t committed to Jesus, the two of you are trying to build a life together using different sets of blueprints – two opposing worldviews. Two conflicting sets of values. Chances are great that this person will pull you away from God, that you’ll pull the person closer to God.
“Do not be yoked together with unbelievers. For what do righteousness and wickedness have in common? Or what fellowship can light have with darkness?” - 2 Corinthians 6:14
If you life is surrendered to Christ, and his or hers isn’t, I’m sorry to say this, but to continue the relationship is cruel for both of you.
Do yourselves a Favor
Save your heart. The fact is, you can’t marry the best when you’re dating the runner-up. While you’re searching for Mr. Right, don’t settle for Mr. Right Now.
About Sean
Hi Sean,
I just think you have given break-up a different and more mature perspective. The decision to choose who we spend the rest of our life with is one of the most important we could ever make. The direction of our life will be largely influenced by that very choice.
More often than not, we eventually become like the person whom we end up with- in ways of behaving and the likes. So it’s genuinely important that we choose the best. But there’s no Choosing the Best Partner in Life 101 that will tell us exactly how to do it.
Only when we know our relationship with that person leads us closer to God and helps us learn to approach everyday life at the right perspective can we most probably say that we, indeed, are on the right track.
It’s discouraging, though how issues like pornography affects the kind of intimacy that God intended for married couples pensnpaper-syriltanala.blogspot.com/2013/02/how-porn-affects-male-brain.html and how the world is very much unwilling to receive HIS words. Let God’s will and power be done in all these things.