3 BIG misconceptions about love. How do you know if you really love someone?

So, the question is, how to know if you really love someone. We all have different answers. Some people would say “Because I feel it”, some would say “Because I can’t see myself without him/her”, still some would say “Because I just know it”. Different people with different definitions of love. So how do you really know if you love someone?


Three BIG misconceptions about love

Three BIG misconceptions about love

Love is not just an emotion

I’ve said this a lot of times before and I’ll say it again: Real love is not an emotion. Yes, emotion is a part of love, in fact it is a bonus to it, but love itself is not just emotion. In fact, love is more of an action, a decision, a commitment in life. Love is more than feelings. Love is consistent in nature and emotions are never consistent, therefore love cannot be an emotion. If you love someone based only on feelings, then that’s not real love – you just feel for that person.

Love is not just words

When you love someone, you tend to keep saying it and that’s a good thing – but you shouldn’t stop there. Yes you have to ‘say it’ but you also have to show it. Real love manifests itself in outward action. You can tell if someone really loves a person if that certain someone shows it in all his actions that he indeed loves the person. Unless he does, doubt is inevitable because words alone can never fulfill love.

Love is never about sex or physical intimacy

There is a difference between love and sex. Sex is the physical consummation of love inside the vows of marriage. It is but love in its best physical sensual form but not love itself. Do you see the difference? Sex comes after marriage inside love. Physical intimacy is not love, in fact, it can be done in the absence of love but that is sin. Love is about wanting the best for the other person in terms of God’s word, it’s never about getting sex or closing up physical proximity.

So what now?

How did God show His love for us?

The closest I can get is how a parent loves his/her children. Our parents unconditionally loves us. True, not all of us are blessed with such parents and I am deeply moved for those who are not blessed with godly parents or, to bluntly state it, have parents who do not fear the law or God or do not love their children. My heart goes out to you.

The original design of God is for parents to love their children unconditionally. Our parents are but finite beings but we can see them wanting the best for us. Yes they fall and make mistakes but they do try their best to help us in our lives no matter what. My parents helped me up every time I fall down. Yes I did hurt them and they did hurt me, but in the end, they love me too much to let me stay where I was.

The same with God. God loves us so much but we don’t understand that – especially when God puts us in a situation where we don’t want to be in. We just don’t realize that everything we do, everything we live for is for Him – we were created for His glory and not for ourselves. We tend to love ourselves too much to try to understand God and how His love for us work. We don’t see the big picture that everything is for God – even ourselves.

God loved us even in our sinfulness. He died for us even when we were still sinners and while we were enjoying the pleasures of this world. That makes His love unconditional. We saw His love in His act of going to the cross, suffering immensely – never before has Christ’s death been paralleled in human history. And all of that was for you and me to get closer to God through the forgiveness of our sins in His blood which signifies life.

How do you know if you really love someone? Live it. Show it. Decide on it. Look at how God did it and follow His example.

I am just a finite person who cannot explain God and if God is love then I can only try so hard to explain what love is and how it goes. I cannot fully explain it in a knockdown argument but I will be able to show it through my life. I think that’s the best way of explaining love – to show it. Don’t you agree?


    • says

      Hey Celeste! Yeah indeed commitment has a big part to play in love.
      Glad you agree with me on that! =)
      It's been a while! How are you doing with your studies?

  1. belle says

    Hi Sean, i agree with you! That is so true, everything we do is for God. And this post just answered my question! Thanks for sharing your thoughts..wow, im starting to become a fan of yours..hehe or yeah, i am now. :)

    • says

      Hi Belle!!! =D
      I'm glad it helped you out in your question! You're welcome!
      Haha =))
      Thank you so much for your kind words! I hope to get to know you more!!! Add me in FB!!! =D

  2. Babalwa says

    I think that one can only be in a position to fully commit yourself to showing someone love- when it is the opposite sex, once you have established beyond any doubt thatit is the person God’s ordained for you….?

    • says

      Love can be shown in many ways. You can choose to love anyone – including someone who might not be the one for you :) but you’ll never know until you try, right? In relationships, there is no map. You have to rely on God 100% to guide you

  3. Mae Tan says

    Wow! I totally agree with everything you said. Love is indeed a commitment. I would like to repost this and pray that many, especially the youngster, be able to read this and gain wisdom. Belated Merry Christmas and advance Happy New Year! Keep on sharing God’s word. :)

  4. Anabelle says

    Great words, except I do have trouble with the way some people go and emphasize the ‘people made for God, not for ourselves’ idea, as if He created to increase His blessing. True love is NOT something done to increase your own blessing, but rather a total giving out of self. And anything you do receive (i.e. thanks, good feelings) as a product of that is not the reason for loving.

  5. John says

    I totally agree. It’s not just emotions. It’s also about goals and dreams. You can’t let your emotions control yourselves.

  6. ruthie says

    Is it true that when you love someone, there should be NO reason at all? that’s what i often hear from those in a relationship. I just don’t understand it. coz if that’s so, what’s the point of having a “standard” for the one you’re gonna get married?

    • says

      Hi Ruthie,
      I don’t believe that there should be no reason at all. There should be a reason and that is to glorify God in your marriage and relationship.

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