Loving Beyond your Heart

By Sean

Lately I’ve been going through a lot in my personal walk with the Lord as well as in my family and love life. Relationships are a part of life. And sooner or later, you will fall in love. When that happens, I just want you to remember this entry – that you need to love beyond your heart.

This entry has been inspired by the numerous conflicts I have experienced in my life, as well as my learnings and realizations from them. I wanted to share this with all of you because I believe it is important and that you need to hear this.

Being a man, God has assigned me the honor of being the leader in my relationship with my girl. He has designated me to bring her through the journey of spiritual intimacy, physical wellness, emotional wisdom, financial intelligence, and intellectual wisdom. This is not an easy task.

In fact it is a task that can only be possible through the grace of God. Without depending on God, I fell into the trap of trying to do this on my own. I tried to love and lead her with my heart. And I soon found out how disastrous it could be.

You see, the heart can hurt. And when the heart gets hurt, the usual, natural tendency is:

  • Guys withdraw and wait things out until… (etc…)
  • Girls say things they think will soothe their anxiety and work the conflict out

Unfortunately, I’m the kind of guy who withdraws. I realized that I am not honoring God when I do so because I am not leading her when I withdraw.

My Excuse

I tell God “But I might say hurtful things. Isn’t it good that I just withdraw?”, “I’m trying to protect her when I withdraw so that I won’t get angry and hurt her.”, or sometimes I even think “She only hurts me with her words. I think it’s wiser to let things cool off first.”

Now, I’m not saying that these mindsets are wrong. It depends on the situation. But in my case, I merely used them for excuses when I know I could’ve done something about it. I was not being a leader. I was merely loving her with my heart.

“The heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately sick; who can understand it?” - Jeremiah 17:9

To really love is to go beyond your heart. To really love is to know that you are capable for more. To really love is to do hard things. To go the extra mile. To live the impossible. To follow Christ. To really love is to lead your heart through the hurt.

Not to let your heart lead you.

Stepping up

Step out of your heart – that ‘emotional comfort zone‘. It’s a choice when you withdraw as a man because you’re hurt. Wisdom and understanding will tell you why the other person said what they said or did what they did. Knowing this, you will realize that it’s not about you – you don’t need to hurt. You just have to help him/her.

“A man’s wisdom gives him patience; it is to his glory to overlook an offense.” - Proverbs 19:11

Don’t let the offense of any another person hurt you. Instead, validate any truths in it and absorb only what will make you grow and what will help the other person. Filter all offenses from your thoughts. Do not let the unnecessary things get into your heart.

“Guard your heart above all else, for it determines the course of your life.” - Proverbs 4:23

“Casting down imaginations, and every high thing that exalts itself against the knowledge of God, and bringing into captivity every thought to the obedience of Christ;” - 2 Corinthians 10:5

Protect your heart from your thoughts. Lead your heart through wisdom. Don’t let it dictate your actions. Love is a choice, not a feeling. It is a conscious effort to do what is best for the other person in spite of the difficulty and hurts that you feel.

The problem is, the heart can hurt. Love beyond your heart.

Common Mistakes of Men in a Relationship

By Sean

Men were designed to lead. Created by God to be the first human being to work and prepare and lead before he meets his bride.Why then do we see men left and right failing to lead their marriage? Failing to lead their girl?

This entry was inspired by my discipler Aumar Aguilar. To you I give my thanks in helping me see the truth about leading in a relationship.

Loving a woman too much

When a man loves a woman too much, he sometimes take leading for granted. He adopts to his girl instead of leading her. They join the girl in her level instead of him stepping up. This is a major and common problem in relationships. Don’t get em wrong, loving your girl is a wonderful thing – but putting it above the place of God is a sin. Loving someone too much is idolatry.

Men have the tendency to step back and let others lead. Men have the tendency to be complacent. And when this happens, then women’s tendency to take lead kicks in. This is why we see relationships here and there where the men are silent and the women are the ones making the decisions.

There is something wrong.

“When the woman saw that the fruit of the tree was good for food and pleasing to the eye, and also desirable for gaining wisdom, she took some and ate it. She also gave some to her husband, who was with her, and he ate it.” - Genesis 3:6

Why was Eve the one doing the talking? Wasn’t Adam the one who named the serpent? Why didn’t Adam say anything?

Adam was complacent. He let Eve lead during this time. And when Eve fell, Adam fell with her. Perhaps he loved Eve too much – more than His love and faith in God. Because he knew they would ‘surely die’ as God Himself told them.

Losing focus on God

This is a consequence of loving someone too much. Investing too much of your heart on something – even on another human being, can become dangerous. You can only become a leader for your relationship if you are following someone who knows the ups and downs, the ins and outs of a woman’s heart. God designed it. He must know everything about it.

Knowing God more is knowing a woman more. Why? Because God is the source of beauty, love, emotions, mystery, and everything else about a girl. To be able to really lead your girl, you have to seek God’s heart.

Defend your focus on God. Don’t let anyone or anything take it away. Everything that you cannot surrender to the sovereignty of God is idolatry. It is a sin that takes root and creates strongholds in your life.

“Casting down imaginations, and every high thing that exalts itself against the knowledge of God, and bringing into captivity every thought to the obedience of Christ” - 2 Corinthians 10:5

If you really fear God and love Him, you will lead in your relationships as you were designed to. If you really love your girl and want to lead her properly, you will love God more than her.

Leading while you are in the same level as your girl is not leading at all. You always have to be a step higher. Go the extra mile. Make tough choices. Do hard things. Live the impossible. Follow Christ.

Be a man.

How to find the Perfect Mate

By Sean

No, I’m not talking about your coffee. Our generation today has been hurt and burned by relationships turned sour. It’s not an exaggeration to say that this is a question that a lot of people have in their hearts. Just how do you find the perfect mate?

This entry has been inspired by the girl who holds my heart, and by my mentor Aumar Aguilar.

To think that we would have relationships all figured out 2,000 years after the death of Christ. It’s been so long and still it bothers us on how we can finally find someone – who knocks us off our feet. To find someone who makes us feel complete. Finding the perfect mate is a question that will always be left without a direct, one-line, blueprint answer. But there are guidelines we can use in order to finally find that person our hearts are yearning for.

1. Be the perfect mate 

The perfect mate will only want the perfect mate. How can you attract somebody who’s supposed to be ‘perfect’ if you are not ‘perfect’ yourself? If he or she is ‘perfect’ then that person will have wisdom enough to only want what’s best for him/herself.

“The second is this: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’ There is no commandment greater than these.” - Mark 12:31

The ‘perfect’ mate will be wise enough to love him/herself first – and look for the ‘perfect’ mate for him/herself too!

2. Seek God’s Heart

This is probably not the direct answer you’re looking for but it is the best one. Seeking God’s heart deals with a lot of things. And one of those things, is for you to be the person God wants you to be – in order for Him to finally present you to the ‘perfect’ one He has in store for you.

“But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well.” - Matthew 6:33

There is more to this verse than meets the eye. Seeking God’s kingdom will change your life. And His promise of giving all ‘these’ things to you – that is a promise you’d want to have. It definitely includes a ‘perfect’ mate if that is the desire of your heart.

“Delight yourself in the LORD and he will give you the desires of your heart.” - Psalm 37:4

God is God. He is nothing less. He knows all, He is in control, His will is what will happen. He also loves you and cares about you – and like a Father, He is happy when you are happy. He cares about your desires. But any desire that rises above seeking Him and desiring Him is no longer a good thing. So you have to first seek God’s kingdom in your life – then He will see that you are ready to take on more blessings.

Remember, God’s enemies for your heart are not the evil things of this world. It’s the good and pleasurable things that can take the place of God in your life.

3. Perfect is what you make it

My fiance is not perfect. I know her. And there are things in her that will not be considered perfect by the world’s or other people’s standards. But she’s perfect for me.

Perfect is a choice – it is not the complete mending of someone else to your desires, your attitude and yourself. It is a choice to love someone ‘as is’. And as much imperfections as she has in her, she is perfect for me.

I am an imperfect man. The perfect partner for an imperfect me is an imperfect woman – and our perfection is made complete with our choice to love each other ‘as is’.

Love is a choice. Protect that choice – seal it with commitment.

In this life, you will never be perfect. But there is someone who is perfect for you out there.

Stop and Surrender

By Angelyn

For an early twenty’s coming from a Chinese family in the Philippines, we’re suddenly expected of a lot of things: help out in the family business, if not have your own; cook, manage the home, prepare for marriage, drive and be successful, am I right?

This article was inspired by the Holy Spirit where God spoke to me during my girly days. I hope you guys can bear with me.

These might be easy for many of you out there. But for me, I’m in dire need of help. I know this blog entry seems a little different from all the other blogs we have written but I just want to encourage and be encouraged by you readers.

I don’t know about you, but sometimes when I’m being pressured, I tend to compare what I am, what I have and what I’m going thru with other people. I don’t exactly talk about it but it goes thru my head. Inevitably, God knows.

As a gentleman He is, He responded by reminding me of this verse, John 21: 22, “Jesus answered, “If I want him to remain alive until I return, what is that to you? You must follow me.” This verse told me that Jesus is focused and holding me accountable in my own walk, not in the walk of my parents or loved ones. It’s about me and Him.

Whether or not I were jealous of the lives my friends have, overprotective of other family members or ‘controlling’ of the walk of a dear friend, God told me this has to stop. He knows best. As the Bible puts it in Luke 12: 25 “Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life?”.

It doesn’t matter what my intentions are, I surrender to His loving care knowing that He loves my loved ones and me more than I can understand or even imagine.

Don’t get me wrong, we still have to do our part in warning our loved ones of the consequences of their sin, procrastination or unbelief; but it is ultimately up to God’s perfect Will and timetable when our desires will be met.

To close, please include me in your prayers as mentioned earlier. May I witness and walk closely with Jesus this 2012 in order to overcome the daily problems and expectations especially concerning the people I love. May it be a year of intimacy and close relationship as I continue to seek and know Him more.

Thank you and Happy New Year everyone!

3 Overlooked Problems in Relationships Today

By Sean

“When you’re 15, somebody tells you they love you, you’re gonna believe them.” This is how Taylor Swift put it in her own words. It’s so easy to get into a relationship today. People want to fall in love – to give love and to be loved. Because there is something to give and it feels great to receive. All the while, we leave 3 very important aspects of getting into a relationship unchecked.

This entry has been inspired by the book “Boy meets Girl”By Joshua Harris.

Jump-start my Heart

Lots and lots of relationships today start out quick. And usually they are plagued with impatience, lack of purpose and misguided emotions. As long as you find him handsome, he finds you pretty, and you say you love each other – that’s enough reason to get together. The world and society today definitely advocates these kinds of relationships.

Patience

Most young relationships are formed with impatience. People are anxious to be in a relationship for various reasons. You might feel left out, or you’re getting older, or no one better might come along, etc… It’s not wrong to desire to be in a relationship – but what is your motive? Is it the confidence that you’re ready for marriage and that God has brought someone godly into your life for you? Is it because you want what’s best for that person in terms of God’s Word and you can give it?

Clear Purpose

A lot of relationships today start without any clear purpose and vision. People date ‘just because’. People fall in love ‘just because’. People tell me they’ve found the one and they’re together ‘just because’. ‘Just because’ doesn’t cut it. You have to have a clear vision and purpose for your relationship. A relationship SHOULD start with only one goal in mind: Marriage. If you have another goal aside from that, I urge you to be patient and develop yourself until you’re ready to take on that goal.

Emotions anchored in Wisdom

Almost all relationships today are fueled by misguided emotions. We do things because it FEELS good. We say things because it FEELS good. We think things about each other because it FEELS good. Emotions don’t last. The moment those feelings go flying away, where then is your commitment? Where then will the relationship be?

Don’t let your emotions dictate your relationship. Emotions ebb to and fro.

“The heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately sick; who can understand it?” - Jeremiah 17:9

Don’t let your relationship be led by a deceitful heart. Make sure that your relationship is guided with wisdom.

Wisdom and Foolishness

We really can’t say that if you’re not wise, you’re a fool and vice-versa. But if you are not pursuing wisdom, you are not growing in maturity as a person. In a relationship, maturity and wisdom come hand in hand – and they are intricately vital. Wisdom can, first and foremost, be found in God’s Word. Make God’s Word your anchor and root – to grow a strong and flourishing relationship that will declare His Glory.

Be wise – for God, for yourself, and for the person you’re going to marry someday.