2 Wrong reasons why men pursue women today

Man pursuing womanWhy do men pursue women? Is it to find pleasure? Is it to feel romance? Is it to look after her heart?  Is it to fill that longing to be loved? There are a lot of different reasons why men pursue women and ask for their love and affection. I want to talk about the 2 wrong reasons why men pursue women today.

These ideas were derived from John Eldredge’s book “Wild at heart”

He will pursue her not to offer his strength but to drink from her beauty

I don’t know if you agree with me on this but I think men today pursue women all for the wrong reasons. We don’t pursue her because we know we are the best person for her to be with and entering that relationship will glorify our God, rather we usually pursue women because we find her beautiful and we want that.

I won’t dictate what’s right or wrong, but ladies let me ask you, “Do you want to be pursued just because you’re beautiful?”

It’s true that beauty has a big part to play on men because that’s God’s design for us. We love beauty and we fall for beautiful women but pursuing a woman because of her beauty is a very dangerous reason for a relationship to start. It will easily break when that beauty fades away. And have I mentioned that it’s a selfish reason? It’s selfish because you love her due to the fact that she’s beautiful and it gives you confidence and contentment that you’ve conquered such a beauty – not because you want to give her your strength, your best, your all.

Pursuing a woman because of her beauty doesn’t make you someone who really loves her – because if you really love someone, you will want the best for that person. Meaning, you would have to search yourself. Verify yourself. Are you the best for her? If not, then don’t even think about it, buddy. In the end, you’ll just leave her heartbroken, not to mention you’ll wound yourself along the way.

A man should pursue a woman out of real loveSometimes it’s not really women we’re after but our heart

Men, do you realize that when you pursue women, it’s sometimes a matter of getting accepted by the woman? A woman’s “yes” is one of the hardest thing (supposedly) to fight for. And we’ve made that our challenge and our adventure. We’re not really after the woman, often times we’re after our heart – our heart which was lost when we were young and raised in a broken family, lacking acceptance, lacking affirmation, lacking masculinity, lacking our manhood.

This is a dangerous misconception to be trapped in. We make women the way to searching our hearts. In essence, we are just using her to “feel like a man”. You might not agree with me, but I urge you to just think about it – especially those in a relationship right now. Even married men sometimes fall into this trap. They get their affirmation from their wives. Women can never validate your manhood. Only God can do that – I hope to discuss that soon in this site.

So how do we find our heart?

Sometimes we pursue a woman because it “feels right” – that feeling is the feeling of adventure and being accepted – it is the feeling of being a man. It was never meant to be answered by a woman. That feeling will always be temporary when you get it from her. Yes it might be the closest thing to “feeling like a man” that’s why so many men fall into adultery and pornography, but that’s not really it. Turning to a woman for your manhood is cowardice. You’re a coward.

You have to find your affirmation from God – which is way, way harder. That’s why some people would rather womanize than follow Him. Looking for your affirmation in God means abiding in His word. Giving Him your time. Having a personal relationship with Him. It is following the example of a real man – Jesus Christ, whose manhood was bestowed by God Himself (His father).

Only then can you pursue a woman

When you really have become a man – not just a facade you’ve put up as so many of us have done. “Surrender” is the word we all hate because of our competitive nature. And unless we realize that it’s the only way to become a real man as God has designed a real man to be, we will always keep on struggling against it. Surrendering is even harder than fighting – it is where real strength and wisdom is tested. The time when we surrender ourselves to God is the only time He can work on us and tell us “You are a man.”


  1. vince says

    Wild at heart must be read by every man. Crazy sad true facts. We need to be the REAL Men not just having the FEELING of a man.

  2. Angela says

    Most of the men who made moves on me said they just did it because of the moment, and it kinda made me feel intimidated. I never knew this side of a guy's mind and it's really flattering.

    • says

      Will pray for you Angela. I know that there are wounds that those relationships have inflicted on you – in your spirit and heart. Only by His grace and His mercy to me am I able to write and think and apply this Angela. I pray may you get something out of this and may it change you! =)

  3. Nathan says

    Very good! I’m currently on the chase and am doing it all God’s way, without a doubt! Brilliant article!

  4. says

    Great Insight Bro. Only thing that we need more emphasis is–>Now that a man has given himself unto the Lord by accepting Jesus as his Lord and Savior, (1)What validation do men need in order to consider him good enough for marriage? Or is there even such a thing? (2)Is there such a thing as – The Holier approach towards courtship and pursuing a woman?

  5. says

    Maybe I’m thick skulled, but what were the two wrong reasons. It doesn’t seem clear to me, but the right reasons seem explicated quite nicely.

    • says

      Hey Rodger!

      The wrong reasons are: Men are pursuing women just to drink from her beauty and to find temporal satisfaction/fulfillment in their search for their heart

  6. Faith Law says

    Wow Sean I truly thank you man of God for this awesome blog! I just posted it to my face book and literally i’ve been getting hits after hits on my page, You really have shed TRUE light on a situation that I don’t think even men sometimes recognize. i believe that I have had a lot of Godly men approach me but because they didn’t recognize these two very crucial points, they were not able to love me the way God said I was supposed to be loved. I didn’t discredit them, and I truly gave them chances, but i would not and could not do anything that exalted its self against the name of jesus and his principals. For some reason they could not understand that but many did respect it so they just left the relationship to get validated by the loose insecure women that i guess decided to feed into these acts of cowardice moments (i’ll be polite and say moments bec i think we were all meant to be what God purposed for us to be, just some take a lil longer)

    Again thank you for this sir. i pray that God elevates your ministry to the highest platform so that all may see it and run with it…continue to WRITE THE VISION! :)

    • says

      Hey Faith,

      Thank you so much for your very kind words and encouragements. I really appreciate you sharing it. I hope and pray that it would bless a lot of people. I hope and pray that you would encounter that right special someone for you sometime soon :) And yes, I will definitely continue to write for our God

  7. Ronnie says

    hi Sean, i made a screenshot of this entry of yours, i believe this will help a lot of people,and i am really urged to have this one shared to my frenz in FB, i can’t find a Like button for FB so i just decided to make a screenshot and i plan to post it to FB(of course, wtih your credits on,hehe)..no infringement intended…

    by the way, this entry is really a priority-checking one…God bless u more…

    • says

      Hey Ronnie!
      Thank you so much for being such an avid reader of this blog. I really, really appreciate it and I enjoy reading your comments :) The ‘Like’ button is every after post and instead of ‘Like’ the verb is ‘Recommended’ – but you can also use the Share button on top of every entry. That would be much easier if you want to share it in your FB account :)

  8. says

    Hi Sean,

    Great distillation of a big subject! Love Eldredge’s books…..
    You have a refreshing blog here.

    In Christ,

    • says

      Hey Brent!
      Thanks! Good to hear that you’re also a reader Brent. I’ve only read this book by Eldredge but I really, really love it’s message. I think it’s completely hit the mark when it comes to our manhood. Drop by again sometime!

  9. says

    Thanks for sharing this Sean! Totally agree, this is a very good post for men but even for women. To add, this is a caution for women to not so easily give our “yes” to every “fitting” Christian guy suitor. Shared this on me FB account! :) God bless you more!

  10. maelorenzo♡ says

    Made me come to realize now, why the past relationship failed. Thanks again for this post, well I guess for the nth time?! hehe 😉 I’ll add this to my bookmark so when he comes back, I’ll let him read this first. hahaha “comes back” talaga?! #assuming LOL 😀 Seriously, this one gives me wisdom, big time! God Bless. 😉

    • says

      Hi Mae,
      I’m glad that this post gave you some insights – it’s a long time ago when I published this one. God led me to a series of realizations myself. I hope and pray that you would always pursue wisdom – and may God grant it to you flowingly. God bless you.

    • says

      Hey Philip,
      Praise God for His works in our lives and for His wisdom :) This was inspired by the book ‘Wild at Heart’ by John Eldredge. Well worth a read.

  11. Jojie Calamlam says

    Thanks for sharing your thoughts. Im a mother of four sons and your thoughts reaffirm what my boys value when it comes to going into relationship. they are not into a rush of getting a girl to prove their manhood. I pray that when the right time comes, they will have someone who they deserve.

    • h3sean says

      Amen. I hope and pray that your young men will prove to be examples in their circle of influence about validating their manhood and pursuing a woman’s heart.

  12. Jonathan says

    Apart of me thinks well then should I second myself whenever I see a beautiful woman I want to talk to? Beauty is all around, I’m not going to let it affect me in that aspect. But to gain approval, that is something I’ll look for. Right?

  13. Joumari says


    Thank you sir for this. I now realize where I went wrong. I wanted to share my story (in relation to this article) with you some time and maybe you could write something about it.

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