Why do men pursue women? Is it to find pleasure? Is it to feel romance? Is it to look after her heart? Is it to fill that longing to be loved? There are a lot of different reasons why men pursue women and ask for their love and affection. I want to talk about the 2 wrong reasons why men pursue women today.
These ideas were derived from John Eldredge’s book “Wild at heart”
He will pursue her not to offer his strength but to drink from her beauty
I don’t know if you agree with me on this but I think men today pursue women all for the wrong reasons. We don’t pursue her because we know we are the best person for her to be with and entering that relationship will glorify our God, rather we usually pursue women because we find her beautiful and we want that.
I won’t dictate what’s right or wrong, but ladies let me ask you, “Do you want to be pursued just because you’re beautiful?”
It’s true that beauty has a big part to play on men because that’s God’s design for us. We love beauty and we fall for beautiful women but pursuing a woman because of her beauty is a very dangerous reason for a relationship to start. It will easily break when that beauty fades away. And have I mentioned that it’s a selfish reason? It’s selfish because you love her due to the fact that she’s beautiful and it gives you confidence and contentment that you’ve conquered such a beauty – not because you want to give her your strength, your best, your all.
Pursuing a woman because of her beauty doesn’t make you someone who really loves her – because if you really love someone, you will want the best for that person. Meaning, you would have to search yourself. Verify yourself. Are you the best for her? If not, then don’t even think about it, buddy. In the end, you’ll just leave her heartbroken, not to mention you’ll wound yourself along the way.
Sometimes it’s not really women we’re after but our heart
Men, do you realize that when you pursue women, it’s sometimes a matter of getting accepted by the woman? A woman’s “yes” is one of the hardest thing (supposedly) to fight for. And we’ve made that our challenge and our adventure. We’re not really after the woman, often times we’re after our heart – our heart which was lost when we were young and raised in a broken family, lacking acceptance, lacking affirmation, lacking masculinity, lacking our manhood.
This is a dangerous misconception to be trapped in. We make women the way to searching our hearts. In essence, we are just using her to “feel like a man”. You might not agree with me, but I urge you to just think about it – especially those in a relationship right now. Even married men sometimes fall into this trap. They get their affirmation from their wives. Women can never validate your manhood. Only God can do that - I hope to discuss that soon in this site.
So how do we find our heart?
Sometimes we pursue a woman because it “feels right” – that feeling is the feeling of adventure and being accepted – it is the feeling of being a man. It was never meant to be answered by a woman. That feeling will always be temporary when you get it from her. Yes it might be the closest thing to “feeling like a man” that’s why so many men fall into adultery and pornography, but that’s not really it. Turning to a woman for your manhood is cowardice. You’re a coward.
You have to find your affirmation from God – which is way, way harder. That’s why some people would rather womanize than follow Him. Looking for your affirmation in God means abiding in His word. Giving Him your time. Having a personal relationship with Him. It is following the example of a real man – Jesus Christ, whose manhood was bestowed by God Himself (His father).
Only then can you pursue a woman
When you really have become a man – not just a facade you’ve put up as so many of us have done. “Surrender” is the word we all hate because of our competitive nature. And unless we realize that it’s the only way to become a real man as God has designed a real man to be, we will always keep on struggling against it. Surrendering is even harder than fighting – it is where real strength and wisdom is tested. The time when we surrender ourselves to God is the only time He can work on us and tell us “You are a man.”